It is less and less uncommon to have a female head of household, and it works very well for many couples. However, these changing roles can bring new challenges for both sides of the relationship.
I know this is true because I am a female breadwinner. In 2016, I earned nearly $1,000,000 from my business, and I am on track to earn even more 2017.
Even though I am the breadwinner, my husband takes on an equally important role in our relationship. He is responsible for the majority of the behind the scene duties that allow us to live a great life. He does help with the blog, but he is mainly in charge of us traveling full-time, cleaning, making our meals, managing the household, and more. He even makes sure that I am taking care of myself, especially making sure that I manage a good work-life balance.
We have a great relationship, and that’s because we make equal contributions to our relationship.
However, because I am a female breadwinner, it means that people often pass negative judgements on the both of us.
If our roles were reversed, it would be no big deal to have my husband as the sole breadwinner. Most would actually applaud him for his financial contribution and wouldn’t bat an eye at me taking on the role he plays in our relationship.
Our roles work really well for us, and there is nothing wrong with what is considered more traditional gender roles, as long as everyone is happy. Actually, more and more women are playing roles in their family’s financial well-being.
According to TheStreet, nearly 50% of women in the U.S. are the breadwinners in their family and around 66% of women are either primary or co-breadwinners.
This means that the number of female breadwinners is increasing, and I wouldn’t be surprised if females soon surpassed the number of men as the head of household.
Despite this growing trend, the thought of a female breadwinner still seems to confuse people and leads to crazy amounts of judgement.
The fact that I am the breadwinner comes up a lot, especially since we travel full-time as RVers. The average RVer is older than us, and they tend to have traditional gender views when it comes to the roles a husband and wife play. And, it isn’t just RVers that have this viewpoint. I hear it a lot, from all sorts of people.
When people ask us what we do and find out that I am the breadwinner, they ask what Wes “does all day.” People even assume that I must be super bossy. But, it’s not like that at all. We both play equal roles when making decisions. We consult each other before making purchases, discuss where we’re going next, and talk openly about all of the big and little aspects of our life. Still, this confuses a lot of people.
Recently, I had someone email me to say that I was spelling my name incorrectly all over my blog – that I wrote Michelle instead of Michael. They actually apologized for thinking that only a man could have built the business that I built. This isn’t the first time either.
And, with my Forbes feature, How This 27-Year-Old Made $1 Million Last Year, many people thought the story was about a man who made $1,000,000. Many just assumed that only a man could be that successful and that I was a gold digger, despite that fact that it said my name several times within the feature.
There were many negative comments on the Forbes interview, like the following:
Being a female business owner and a breadwinner can be a new thing to some people, but it shouldn’t be viewed in a negative way. Men AND women can each have their own success in life. And, no matter what the roles are, they are equally valuable.
Related:
Being a female breadwinner can bring new challenges to a relationship, but it can also be a very positive thing.
Whether you’re a female breadwinner or if you are on the other side of the relationship, here are my tips for making it work for you and your spouse.
Being a female breadwinner doesn’t mean that your husband is worth less.
In relationships with a female breadwinner, men often say they feel that they are worth less. Some men feel this way because they feel they aren’t providing for their family, but providing for your family isn’t just financial contributions. There are also men that are embarrassed for others to find out, there are some that say they feel less of a “man,” and others even feel resentment towards their female counterpart.
I can’t say this enough, when both parties are happy and have an equal say in their relationship, it doesn’t matter who is the breadwinner. It’s about supporting one another and creating a life together.
As long as you are happy, then who cares who earns more?
Be proud of your roles.
Traditionally, it is thought that women are the ones who need to put their careers aside to take care of the household, raise the children 24/7, and more.
It causes a lot of negative judgement when the roles are reversed, and if you don’t believe me, check out these articles about female breadwinners:
- Are female breadwinners a recipe for disaster?
- Women thrive as the primary breadwinner while men suffer, study finds
- Female breadwinners: why earning more can poison your marriage
Farnoosh Torabi, author of the book When She Makes More: 10 Rules for Breadwinning Women, conducted a survey of female breadwinners and found that these women reported less happiness in their relationship and even embarrassment.
Whether you are a female breadwinner, the partner of one, or in a relationship with a male breadwinner, you should be happy with the roles you play. It doesn’t matter who makes the most money or who earns less.
Sometimes women make more, and other times men make more.
This is 2017, and times are changing!
Whenever someone says something negative to you or your spouse about your roles, just ignore them. Everyone has an opinion, but it doesn’t mean that they are correct.
Only you and your spouse understand the situation that is right for your family, and what is right for you isn’t necessarily right for someone else.
Be proud of the roles you play and embrace them.
If you’d like to hear from a man who isn’t the sole breadwinner in his relationship, read How to Deal When Your Wife Makes More on Club Thrifty.
Regularly talk about money.
Regular money takes are always important, no matter the role you play. However, if your roles are changing, you may need to talk more about how these changes are affecting your relationship
Having open discussions about money is an important step for every relationship. It will help prevent any surprises, ensure that both people in the relationship are aware of what’s going on, and so on.
You and your partner should sit down and talk once a week, once a month, or whatever timeframe works best for the two of you. You may want to try out different lengths of time to see what does and doesn’t work.
By talking about money, both of you will feel more involved in financial decisions. This will make sure that both parties contribute to the household and feel as though they have an equal say in financial matters.
Learn more about regular budget meetings at Family Budget Meetings – Yes, You Need To Have Them.
Realize that times are changing.
It is becoming less and less common to have a male providing for the family and a woman who stays at home. While there is, of course, nothing wrong with a male breadwinner, times are changing.
The roles men and women play in their relationships have changed a lot in the past few decades. More and more women are becoming the breadwinner in their relationships.
Due to this, realize that you are not alone if your relationship does not fit what is considered traditional.
One day, relationships with a female breadwinner won’t be seen as “odd.” Until that happens, there are still many people like you who may be experiencing a similar situation!
Are you the breadwinner in your family? What do you think of changing roles and female breadwinners?
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Dave @ Run The Money says
I think my wife and I played almost every role you could have in the money-making situation. There was a time when I brought in more, then her, and now she’s a stay-at-home mom and we only have my income. At first, we both had salaried income and the only reason I made more is she went back to school to become a teacher. Otherwise, if she stayed in the accounting world with me, we’d be making the same.
Later, when we started our real estate business, it was similar situation to what you have with your husband. She was the face, did the deals, and met with clients. I did more of the background work with the marketing, social media, blog posts, client database maintenance, and some of the contract work. I also had my day job while doing this, but she brought in the majority of our income.
We often discussed it because honestly it was a shot to my pride a little bit. Growing up, guys are told they’re the breadwinners and it’s what you grow up expecting to be. It’s not a misogynistic thing, but more of a societal construct. But, it was working for our family, so it was something I personally had to deal with.
Also, my wife would constantly remind me that if not for me going to my full-time job and supporting her, she wouldn’t be able to do real estate because it’s unguaranteed commission income. And it was something she loved. So, this is another reason humility is a beautiful thing if you allow it to be.
Today, my wife is a stay-at-home mother to our amazing 19-month-old son. She thanks me constantly for going to work and allowing her to stay home. A lot of men, she tells me, would’ve told her to put our son in daycare and get back to making money. But, that’s the beauty of our relationship. We support each other wholeheartedly.
Great post. Really gave me a chance to reflect 🙂
Michelle Schroeder-Gardner says
Thank you Dave 🙂
Elaine says
Very well said Michelle! ( or I mean Michael?
haha what is with these people!?)
So happy for both you and Wes! No shame in being the female breadwinner, and actually a lot of men I’ve met recently are looking for a successful partner, and are proud of them. Glad he keeps you on track for a healthy work-life balance – so, so important.
Xo
Michelle Schroeder-Gardner says
hahaha!
Katie says
People actually accused you of misspelling your own name?! Enough. My husband has been in the military for nearly 18 years, and he’s very much looking forward to they day he can start collecting that hard-earned retirement check. He’d love nothing more than for me to be the primary breadwinner after that (and of course would love it if I was now as well) so he could stay home with our kid. I’m 34 and pregnant, and he’s far more paternal than I am maternal. Him being a stay-at-home-dad would just make sense for us! Unfortunately a military lifestyle makes it difficult for the spouse to maintain a full-time traditional career, so I’m still trying to figure out exactly what I’ll do to get there in the next 3 years. (I’ve been a VA for the last few years.) I blogged for about 6 years but it never really took off financially, and of course it’s difficult to earn money doing something you love, like writing, while maintaining the “innocence” of that thing you love about it, if that makes sense…
Anyway. You guys do you. Obviously it’s worked brilliantly for your relationship and lifestyle. And thank you for paving the way towards normalization for the rest of us. 🙂
Michelle Schroeder-Gardner says
Yes, it’s crazy. Most of the people have apologized and even explained that they felt horrible for doing so, so I do want to say that I am glad I have my blog so that I can show others that the amount of female breadwinners is definitely increasing 🙂
Ms. Frugal Asian Finance says
This comments on the Forbes article are so mean and inconsiderate. Don’t let them to to you, Michelle. I know it’s ewe easier said than done. But they probably will forget about what they wrote the moment they hit Enter while it makes us feel uneasy and upset.
I don’t see anything wrong with a female breadwinner. As long as both of us are trying our best to contribute to the relationship emotionally and financially, that’s not anyone else’s business.
Michelle Schroeder-Gardner says
Thank you!
Beks says
When my dad lost his job in 2001 and had to start being an independent consultant, my mom became the breadwinner of our family. She’s still a little bitter about it, despite making equal decisions with my dad (who is the one who manages their money). If I get married, I don’t care who makes more, just so long as we’re comfortable and not going into debt for stupid stuff.
Michelle Schroeder-Gardner says
Yes, same here!
Mike Collins says
I think there is still an unfair bias against men who earn less than their wife, but it is getting better. In our parent’s generation it would be almost unheard of, but these days it is becoming more and more common.
I know a couple of stay at home dads who were happy to quit their day jobs to raise the kids while their wives continued their careers. it all comes down to what is more important to you and what works best for your family.
Michelle Schroeder-Gardner says
Yep, definitely!
Sylvia @Professional Girl on the Go says
Those guys who made those comments on Forbes are just mad that they don’t have what it takes to make the kind of money in a year.
As the breadwinner for our household and still being a newlywed, I sometimes forget that we need to discuss things before I make a purchase. I don’t make really large purchases but sometimes I buy things I think we need and he thinks we don’t. This is something I am working on because I don’t want him to think that I am just throwing my money around or trying to control everything. I always want him to feel valued and that his opinion matters.
Michelle Schroeder-Gardner says
Haha YES!
Smart Provisions says
I’m single right now, so that must mean I’m the only breadwinner. 🙂
With that aside, I’m proud of you for what you’ve done! It’s true that society looks down upon females who are breadwinners and would prefer the man to be the one who’s bringing the cash home. However, not only are times changing, people are starting to learn to change, to adapt, and to understand that people are different and that people can be whatever they want to be despite the status quo. And I find that really important, because a person should determine what they want to be or do, and not let it be defined by a preset notion society sets.
Cheers to you, Michelle!
Michelle Schroeder-Gardner says
Thank you!
Nicole @ Budget Like a Lady says
Congratulations on your success! I was never the breadwinner but I do have a pretty good salary. People are surprised to see me in the role I have because it is a male dominated field. My male counter parts have wives that stay home and since I am not at home, I must be the breadwinner for my family. Not at all. Nothing wrong with being the breadwinner or non-breadwinner. You must do whatever works best for your family.
Michelle Schroeder-Gardner says
Thanks! Yes, that’s how my last job was as well – not many females who were analysts.
Ramona says
My business supported his side of the business for about 4 years, until he started earning money. Right now we earn similarly, although I do care for our daughter as well (I work from home, while he has to go to his clients). We don’t care about ‘traditional’ roles, all we care about is doing well in business and caring for our kid.
Michelle Schroeder-Gardner says
Yes!
Rachel says
People in general are terrible! Gender roles are so entrenched in our society and it makes me so mad. My husband and I fall into the co-breadwinning category, at various points in our marriage we’ve switched back and forth on who makes more but most of the time we’re pretty even.
The backwards thinking that’s demonstrated in the comments you received also translates into people undervaluing women’s careers. People always want to talk work, career and business with my husband, and with me it’s clothes, kids and household stuff… to the point that people have asked him for marketing advice, when I’m a manager at a marketing firm and he works at a tech firm with no marketing experience.
You’re an inspiration! And you’re totally right that it doesn’t matter who makes more, what matters is that you both contribute to your relationship.
Michelle Schroeder-Gardner says
UGH – that must be so annoying!
Sveny says
I agree with you completely and as you say time is changing. More and more roles a mixed and for my personally, it doesn’t matter everything which partner in a relationship deserved the income. I think it’s more important that both of them are happy with their relationship.
Michelle Schroeder-Gardner says
Yes!
Mrs. BITA says
The Forbes comments you shared are so very aggravating. People can be such idiots.
I am 5.5 years older than my husband. We both earn, but I make the higher salary (though not by a whole lot). I face two biases: one for being older than my husband and the other for earning more. It doesn’t happen often enough to be more than mildly annoying though. The important thing is that we think of the money as our money, and we both have equal say in what we should do with our stash.
Michelle Schroeder-Gardner says
People can be so annoying! Good for you.
Megan says
Well said, Michelle! It’s amazing how ignorant some people can be. Gender roles in our society are changing, but there will always be some who are opposed to change. Regardless, your story has inspired so many people, men and women alike, and will continue to do so for years; nothing they say can change that!
Michelle Schroeder-Gardner says
Yes, exactly!
Chelsea @ Mama Fish Saves says
Wow – you handled the “gold digger” comments with way more class than I would have…
Thank you for writing this – my husband and I made a conscious decision before we even got married that he would be a stay-at-home dad when we had kids. Now that he is one, people constantly ask him when he’s going back to work, whether I give him an allowance (WTF), and more. It’s infuriating and the evolution of roles really isn’t that hard to understand.
Michelle Schroeder-Gardner says
There were so many of them – it was ridiculous!
Lily @ The Frugal Gene says
Wow. The internet can be a filthy place. Those comments are ridiculous!!! They know literally nothing about you to judge from just a photo…stupidity unbound.
The best point of the article is that for some reason people think the lesser of the non-breadwinner. I don’t think I would be anywhere without my husband and he would be sitting in a hole lonely and depressed without me. It’s call love. Love! Not crazy power assumptions by the jealous.
Michelle Schroeder-Gardner says
Thank you!
Suzi says
Honestly, it’s so much not about the roles, as you said. I’ve earned more than my hubby year over year since we’ve been married (11 1/2 blissful years and counting!), and while I have only brought it up once, he brings it up to others all the time–and it’s never awkward! Well, I should say it’s never awkward for us. We both work hard outside of the home, and when we’re home, we share fairly “traditional” responsibilities; but mostly, we celebrate the blessings and freedoms that our sum total earnings afford us when we’re not at work.
Honestly, people that are looking at the roles of “he should earn more” or “she’s a gold-digger” have the whole picture screwed up (he’s the gold digger? Let’s not even go there!). If, in the most traditional concept of marriage, two become one, then what flipping difference does it make anyway?
You are absolutely “right on the money” that talking about money is key. We have regular budget meetings, we review short-, mid- and long-term goals, and discuss and agree what to do with windfalls.Communication is important in a relationship, around so much more than just money, but especially around money!
Michelle Schroeder-Gardner says
Thank you so much!
Michelle Schroeder-Gardner says
Thank you!
Michelle Schroeder-Gardner says
Yes!
Nita says
This is a common in our home. I worked outside our home (we have 4 kids) and my husband ran a business and worked part-time while being the day-time care giver for our kids. We’d get an early dinner together and then my husband would leave to meet with clients out to view houses or to his part-time job. We did this for years. There were times when his salary while running his business spiked higher than mine for several years. Now after a change in careers, ours is the same. Income is only a small piece of a relationship. Both of us knew we weren’t wired to just stay home and care for the house, however, we found ways to get that done while even homeschooling kids. Being creative and working a partnership is a great solidification of a relationship.
Michelle Schroeder-Gardner says
Great job!
Bruce says
Michelle,
You are an inspiration to many, including myself! I’ve been so encouraged, uplifted and motivated by your story and so many other millennial’s that are similar to yourself.
There will always be negative people, that’s just human nature, but I also understand that one negative comment can sometime weigh on your mind more than 100 positive ones. So let this be one positive comment to brighten your day!
Here’s to enjoying your blog!
Bruce
Michelle Schroeder-Gardner says
Thank you 🙂
Steveark says
In my career years I hired a lot of engineers, not software type people, but real engineers that build big stuff out of concrete and steel. Anyway they came in two types, male and female and there was of course absolutely no difference in their abilities. However as their friend/mentor/boss in a small company I did know their families and generally in most families with an engineer in them that person is the main breadwinner and the other person has a lower paying career. Having observed a lot of social/work interactions it did appear that many if not most of the female engineer husbands had a much more difficult task dealing with the way their lives didn’t fit into the old role models for traditional families where the male had the more dominant career. They either adapted pretty quickly to the reality and embraced it or the marriage fell apart.
Kate says
Some of those comments are unbelievable! You’re handling the negative people graciously, though.
Lee @ BaldThoughts says
Kudos to your family for being a great example of success and ignoring the haters!
I make more than twice what my wife makes and neither of us makes a big deal out of it. I’m supporting her career growth and know that she will continue to climb the ladder and become my equal in pay.
We’re focused on paying off her MBA student loans and all of our mortgage debt (home + 3 rentals) over the next 10 years so that I can retire and focus on kids/blog/rentals while she continues her career path. I’m looking forward to the day when she’s the breadwinner!
Mariel @ Designerie Co. says
This post gives me positivity.. thanks so much Michelle, I’ve been rooting you for quite a long time already and you are the one that influenced me in blogging.
Re female breadwinners. So really what?
I saw my husband struggling with his job because he’s being bullied, taken for granted and fed up. His boss throwing bad words to him, telling him he’s useless and his co-workers have salary raised except him.That hurt me so much, especially the thought of he can’t leave his job because he needs to provide. so I finally opened my own website business. I thought of the same niche as you but I realized in the end. Design is really where my heart is.
I have earned much (much where I can make my husband leave his current job) but we both talked and if I’ll keep having this income level for 3 mos. consistently. He will leave the job.
I won’t mind being the breadwinner. As long as we’re happy. I’d love to help him.
Stephanie James says
Great! Thanks for this perspective on being the breadwinner.
Bianca says
Love it! I agree with you in every sentence. My husband and I talk a lot about me being the breadwinner but I couldn’t do it without him. He supports me in my career. He takes care our 3 girls(15,13 and 10 years old), their schedule, his and mine, the house, the cars, manage the cleaning schedule, groceries, sports,etc. I travel a lot and he is the “mom” too when I’m traveling,like right now miles away from home. Our girls are very proud of us. We are doing great! Of course we have our challenges, sacrifices to be faraway from each other but we are in the same direction towards our goals. For us we are 1 Family and 1 Income.
Thank you for sharing this valuable article that will help a lot of people like us.
Sarah @ Smile & Conquer says
I so wish it wasn’t necessary for you to write this post and justify your non-traditional gender roles. And that email about your name, what the what?!
My partner and I currently earn similar incomes but my current job has more room for income growth so likely I’ll be more of the breadwinner in the future. We have no issue with that and it’s so ridiculous that it even phases other people.
Susan C says
I used to earn less than my husband. Now I earn substantially more. I never gave it a thought. We have a joint checking account and, more importantly, we are working toward a joint future. This article did, however, remind me to check in with me husband to make sure he never gave it a thought either.
Kate says
I earn double the amount of my husband, and also supported him for a time when he was studying. I think the being supported part bothered him the most; once he started earning again he felt much better.How it works for us is joint accounts all the way. Then it’s always our money. We also hope that I can make a full time living from my blog at some point, but as we love being together the goal will be to be at home together.I imagine we would do something similar to you and your husband.
And those Forbes comments- must have had some laughs over those!
Bridgette says
What malarkey that even in 2017 a smart, successful woman has to explain herself and almost defend her drive, success and income. I am sorry you had to deal with those comments and you are an inspiration. Proof of what a woman can do what she puts her mind to it.
Alex` says
I think you and your husband are awesome for what you’re doing. It sounds like everyone who left negative comments is jealous of what you have. Love your blog and look up to what you do!
Gwen @ Fiery Millennials says
The backlash against women who earn more is real. I’ve had a few relationships where it’s either caused issues or outright ended the relationship. They couldn’t handle me making more than them. I don’t know what they expected when I have a great job in IT and they’re a teacher or other important but lower paying profession. I guess they felt threatened by the fact I wasn’t dependent on them? I don’t know, but I’m not surprised at all on the reactions you’ve gotten. Keep your chin up and know that if it works for you and Wes, that’s all that matters at the end of the day.
Ryan @ Just Another Dollar says
I think it’s sad when a guy feels inadequate if his spouse brings home the bacon. For me, I’ve only earned more than my partner for a handful of months out of our relationship when she’s changed jobs. Granted, it’s nowhere near as dramatic a difference as I’m working too, but the concept is the same. If you are truly working as a team in your relationship, both partners should cheer each other on. If Alyssa gets a raise, our family gets a raise, and the same goes for me. Congrats on being successful and do your best to ignore the sad haters.
Owen @ PlanEasy says
Wow, those comments on the Forbes article are brutal.
I hope for my daughters that this isn’t a thing when they enter the workforce. It’s sad that people could be upset by your success.
I appreciate you putting yourself out there Michelle. It cant be easy to deal with that internet hate. I hope the positive comments outweigh the negative ones.
Jason says
I can’t stand internet trolls. Many of them just post whatever. As long as you’re both happy, it shouldn’t matter who the breadwinner is.
Izy Berry says
Wow Michelle, I can’t believe some of the terrible comments people made regarding you “spelling your name wrong” and being a gold digger. While I don’t think your blog is ultra-feminine, to me it’s completely obvious you’re the author and earner of the majority of your family’s income.
I find this whole debate interesting as for now I am the main breadwinner in my relationship, we manage it fairly well but it does seem to be a little odd for my partner, especially as we’re living in a Latin culture.
I think it’s really great you and your husband and have found such a great balance!
Andrew Breidenbaugh says
Good article. I’m surprised so many people are still shocked. While my wife brought in an income, she made more than me. Now she’s a stay-at-home Mom so she works harder and longer than me. 🙂
Carrie says
I am surprised and sad to hear you received so many negative comments about being the primary breadwinner. When I was a kid and teen in the 70s and 80s, many women aspired to being independent businesswomen and career women, so it felt natural to me to expect women to be treated equally in the business world. After all, many of my role models were wealthy independent women on TV shows like Dynasty and daytime soap operas! So of course why couldn’t I also aspire to greater wealth as well? Ha ha. I didn’t have any clue until several years after graduating college that a college degree did not equal instant riches! However I have done well for myself in regards to earnings and my life partner of 20 years has done ok too. Our salaries are comparable. He doesn’t seem to mind whenever I do make more money such as with bonuses. He is happy for me. Besides we share our earnings anyway. Whatever is my success is his success and vice versa. There is no competition between us in regards to financial earnings.
It is cool to see younger couples also valuing equitable roles in their marriages and committed relationships. The not-so-good side of the affluent 80s is that it also produced shallow people who were very competitive in regards to money, and seemed to place greater value on power plays and manipulating people to get more money. There are younger people like that too but most likely they learned it from older generations. More often though I interact with people who are truly loving and caring people who value their families more than their money and possessions.
Mike Spearing says
You are an inspiration to us all Michelle regardless of your gender. Please keep up the excellent work and I wish you both all the best for the future:-).
Emenike Emmanuel says
Awesome one, Michelle. I love the question, “And so what?”
Some ladies think because they are the breadwinner means they should disrespect their husbands. And that’s quite unfortunate.
Respect for one’s husband should not be bent on who makes more money.
Emenike
joergmichael says
I would like to repeat the words before: “I think it’s more important that both of them are happy with their relationship.”
And the most important thing in professional life is the knowledge, that the family and the loved ones stand behind you and are there, even if it is badly.
It does not matter, who earns the most money from both. “Only the love counts”
Mrs. Farmhouse Finance says
Well said! It really shouldn’t matter who earns more in a relationship, as long as both people contribute to the partnership. When my husband and I first lived together, I was making more and paid more of the bills. There were also times when I was taking classes and he was supporting me. As long as you’re a team, who really cares who is earning the paycheck.
Kristie says
I have earned more than my husband for at least 17 years ago…10 years ago he quit his job to focus on our son. The assumptions others make about his “drive” etc absolutely ticks me off. They would never assume a female was lazy because she stayed at home. He says it doesn’t bother him…so I try not to let it bother me. We have a phenomenal relationship going on 25 years now. I wouldn’t trade our decision for anything. I do hope some day soon others start to get it.
Yaz | The Wallet Moth says
It must be hard dealing with people who have ‘traditional’ views of money and relationships and view you negatively because of how successful you are.
I hate the concept that money automatically equals power in a relationship, and that men are viewed as less masculine if they earn less money than their spouse. Relationships are about supporting each other, and I think it’s fantastic that you are in such a loving relationship that you can both enjoy your success.
Your attitude is perfect – you’re a female breadwinner, you are FIRE at what you do, and that’s awesome.
Francis says
Good for you guys. I’m saddened that people actually believe that women cant have financial success, to the point of that they will leave a harsh comment on a national media.
Keep doing you and keep inspiring people of all genders that success is a hard-work away!
BINGO STATUS says
THIS ARTICLE IS SO NICE
Maya says
I run into this stereotype all the time as well. For 5 years I’ve made a lot more than my husband, and the majority of the time I was the only one working while he handled most of the household. But there have been times in our relationship when he made all the money. Our roles could switch again and we’d both be fine with it. The one constant is that I always handle all the finances and pay the bills.
When people meet us and ask about income as RVers they usually turn to my hubby with the question. He’s happy and proud to inform them that I make all the money.
I think the most frustrating thing is how people assume they should pass judgement on other people’s lives and that their negative opinions about what’s “really” going on are needed or welcomed.
Helen says
Michelle,
I just want to say how impressed I am with you and your transparency about your life! I’ve been reading your blog for over a year and am always inspired by your work ethic and smarts. Ignore the naysayers and keep on keeping on! You and your husband are pioneers and that’s a good thing! God bless you both!
Holly says
Those comments are sickening and sexist. That hug you shared looks relaxed and casual. I think you have to have tough skin to be a blogger, because you have to put up with idiots like that on a consistent basis. But you seem to have no problems there. Kudos to you and your husband for rising above it all!
Elle @ Lovely Life Cents says
I had a similar experience with some of my coworkers when I told them that I was the breadwinner between my boyfriend and I. He works at a non-profit, though, and helps more people in the world than I ever will. People get so caught up on money when there’s really so much more. Great post!
Holly says
I have to admit I have wondered what your husband does – not in a negative way – but I wasn’t sure if he still worked a remote “traditional” job since you started traveling, and/or if he was part of your business, and if he was part of the business – what role he played on your blog or behind the scenes. I met another writer locally here and he is a stay at home dad to two girls. His wife is the breadwinner and his story is pretty cool. He often writes about his experiences as a SAHD which is a very niche area – not many men write about this. I haven’t met many like him but as you said, times are changing so it may become more common.
Linda says
Sounds like a great relationship. I think you are correct that it may very well happen that female breadwinners will become the majority given that there are more women in college today than men. Then we may wonder what was all the fuss about. I wonder if you might have your husband write about this topic from his point of view. It could be helpful to other men who are facing the same situation.
Avinash Mishra @ Inviul says
WOW
Sounds interesting. It reminds me a bollywood movie in which lady was a breadwinner and husband was taking care household chore. You have done terrific in your business. I am improving & learning from your blog post.
Keep sharing
Thanks.
Nayeli says
Hello Michelle,
Thank you for shedding light into this topic. Times are definitely changing, but not everyone keeps up. I’m also the breadwinner in my family. Granted my situation is just slightly different because I support my mom and my brothers, but people still find it odd that I’m the only one that has a full time job in my family and either pity me or find that my family is taking advantage of me (which is totally not the case!). I won’t say it’s easy, but I just wish people saw the positive and didn’t form their own negative assumptions on situations…
Sorry, I got a little carried away.
Great post!
Kathleen says
Loved this post! I am the breadwinner in our family. My husband is the SAHD (stay-at-home dad). It works for us. I can relate to everything you mentioned – we get lots of judgement. Just because my husband stays at home, doesn’t mean that he couldn’t find work or that he’s lazy. We wanted to gift our children the presence of one parent around all the time – something we never had growing up. My career just happened to take off first.
Mr. Tako says
Yes! I’m glad you wrote this Michelle!
It’s hard on a relationship when a woman’s career really takes off. A lot of men aren’t prepared to deal with it.
It happened to my wife’s career fairly early-on, so I’ve had a long time to get used to earning less than her.
Now, it’s no big deal… I’m just an “early-retired” stay-at-home dad. Money isn’t how I define myself anymore!
Deanna says
I am the female bread winner in my household as well. No one usually says anything about it negatively because they see how great my husband and I are in our roles.
My husband is the head of the household, I just bring home the bacon. Lol
When people hear how well we each have it, they usually applaud us. I work and travel extensively, while my hubby cooks, cleans and home schools the children. I buy him shiny things.
Buy me a Father’s Day card and call me Dad because I love our arrangement.
Indi says
Amazing write up. I come from a south Asian country where this is a bit uncommon. Im proud of my role and my husband is a great partner who supports my work
Brendan says
If my partner didn’t have a problem with being the main breadwinner, then I wouldn’t have a problem with it, but I assume I will have to work hard to make money because most women want a man who earns more than she does. It seems a little bit unusual to me that a woman earns so much more than her husband and doesn’t care. I guess that means you love the real him rather than what he can do for you. I think that is kind of rare.