Should I Ruin My Retirement By Helping My Child Through College?

This was timely Michelle, because I just finished debating whether or not I wanted to even encourage our children to GO to college. By to answer your question, no way. My wife and I both decided if they really want to go……and we can afford it…..we’ll help some, but paying for our kids college IS NOT a priority.

Thanks for starting the discussion
-Bryan

That student loan is so much. I am happy that you paid it off. On the other hand, I think it’s fine to have debt when the money goes to student’s education. Later on, when kids are doctors and lawyers, it becomes easy to pay that off.

If parents are struggling financially and/or not on track for retirement, it seems unwise to help their kids extensively with college costs. I would suggest going to the root of the issue–how expensive is the college? Is there a cheaper, in-state option? Could the student take courses at community college and transfer to a 4-year program? Have they applied for all possible scholarships?

I agree with you- parents should help if and only if they can afford it. I also think parents should set realistic financial expectations with their kids when choosing a school. Where I grew up, it was all about “name brand” colleges, instead of which schools provided the best value and return on investment.

While I wouldn’t risk my retirement for it, I do want to help my daughter go to college. My parents helped me, but I also worked all through college, went to a cheaper state school, and got scholarships. So I feel like we all worked for it. If my child does the same kind of things, I will absolutely help her out if we are financially able.

No way jose! 🙂 You have to take care of yourself first, then your kids. I know this is a tough one for parents to swallow, but it’s the right financial decision. I’m saying that as I’m digging my way out of $206,000 of student loan debt ($50k down by the way!). My opinion is that you pay for your kid’s college after you’ve taken care of yourself.

No, you should not risk retirement for your kid’s college. When we saved for our son’s college, I started almost from the moment he was conceived and never missed a month of putting something in the account. Sometimes it was only $25 but the contribution was made. As our income increased, I increased the contribution. But throughout the years until he went to college, we never stopped or lowered our retirement contributions. There are many options for assisting with college expenses; some don’t even have to be loans. Our son went to our state’s flagship public university. No private college. No out of state tuition. In high school he took advance placement exams and received credit for 3 courses. Since tuition is charged by the credit hour, that saved tuition of 12 hours of course work. He also took a couple of the basic, required courses during the summers at a community college where that course work would transfer to his 4 year institution. The summer session at the community college is cheaper that a regular semester at the university. And he worked part time jobs. So there are many ways to make college more affordable. But one of them should never be at the expense of your retirement fund.

I know I was one of the lucky ones when it came to student loans. I was able to get a majority of my tuition paid for in scholarships but the remaining part was covered by loans. My dad made it clear that these loans were in my name and I was ultimately responsible for paying them back, but he would help out if he was in a good position to do so when those bills started coming in. Fortunately for me, he made a lot of sacrifices over the years to both put himself in a good position to retire and be able to help his kids go to college and when it came time to pay back the loans he was able to help me.

Having said that, I would have never wanted him to risk his retirement savings to help me pay off that debt if he wasn’t in a good position to do so. For many kids at the age of 18, college is an exciting time for new experiences, new friends, etc. – thoughts of interest rates and debt are not what they’re thinking about. As someone said above, I think better education in high school and from parents before college is key in helping them make the best decision for their future.

Having had solid financial support from my dad has made me want to look ahead and start saving so I can do the same for my (future, currently non-existent) kids, but I would not put my retirement at risk if that was the only option.

Awesome and interesting post! Sorry for the long-winded comment!

My parents weren’t able to help me much but they did contribute a small amount. It made them feel good to be able to contribute, even in a small way, to my college education. They couldn’t afford to but I know they would have liked to help me more if they could have. I feel the same way- if I am able to afford it, I would help my kid out with their education. I would not, though, take out a loan in my name. That’s up to them.

I’m a parent (albeit to a 1 1/2 year old so college is a long way off) and I can definitively say that we will not be risking our retirement to fund her college education! Retirement contributions come first, although we are also putting some money into savings for her as well. Honestly, I think I valued my education more because I earned it. I got a full scholarship that covered tuition and house for undergrad, and I took out a small amount of loans to cover grad school. My parents paid for my meal plans and some of my textbooks for undergrad, but the rest of it I earned through scholarships or paid for myself.

I think a big reason I was so motivated was because my parents were very up front with me. I had about $20k in savings bonds that I had received as gifts throughout my childhood, but beyond that I would be on my own. Since I knew this, I worked extra hard to do well in high school so I could earn that scholarship, and I knew I had to do well in college to keep it. Having some skin in the game was a great motivator. I wound up not needing that $20k for my education, and instead used it as a downpayment for a house.

I hope to be able to help my daughter out a bit with college expenses, but I feel no obligation to pay for it all. I feel that the best gift I can give her is her parents’ financial independence in our old age.

I love this post. I totally agree with you and I also think it’s ridiculous how much pressure parents put on themselves to pay for their kids’ tuition. I hear coworkers talking all the time about how they can’t afford to do this or that right now because they are paying for their kids to go to college. I think that’s craziness! I think student loans teach kids responsibility – otherwise if your parents pay for your college, what reason do you have to go out and get a job immediately after college? Paying off a loan also teaches people a bit about budgeting, and about dealing with loan companies, etc.I remember my mom helped me get loans but had me call Sallie Mae to sort out any account issues, etc – it is good to learn all those terms and definitions and get experience with dealing with grown up responsibilities.

If you have the money to pay for your kid’s tuition without ruining your retirement, going into debt, or cutting out all fun from your life, then by all means do so, but never at the cost of your own retirement fund or lifestyle!

Great post and I am so glad to see the intelligence and wisdom of your readers. So many lives have been ruined by people ruining their retirement by borrowing for their children’s education. It is sad and as some have shared it is not always appreciated.

I worked almost all the way through college, borrowed some and did fine. Here is an important statistic. Those who have to pay their own way, on average, are more successful than those whose parents pay their way. I still helped my children what I could, but no one should feel guilty for not doing so. It probably does allow them to enjoy it more.

I think parents should help only if they can afford it. I certainly will not risk my retirement for my kids’ college but will help and support in other ways. For a start, we are letting them stay in our home while they are in college

I don’t plan to pay my kids’ way through college. I didn’t get help with my college funds, and I take responsibility for the loans I took out. I want my kids to understand that same responsibility. If they know they’re paying for it, I feel like they’ll take it more seriously. At least, that was my viewpoint when I was a student.

My parents went into a lot of debt to put my sister and I on expensive sports teams and contributed what they could to our private colleges. They now rationalize all of that spending saying that it made us successful and all the debt they’re in now was necessary for us. I feel bad but they didn’t see any other way. I have the luxury of the internet to educate me about finances but they didn’t have that. I hope to help them out with their debt soon but as you said – you can’t take on the world. Sometimes just helping people in little ways can make a big difference.