Should I Ruin My Retirement By Helping My Child Through College?

Today’s topic will probably be a touchy one and it’s all about whether or not parents should start (or end) saving for children’s college expenses. Ever since I paid off my $38,000 worth of student loans last year, I have received many e-mails from parents who are interested in seeking help for their children.

These e-mails are all related to whether or not parents should risk or sometimes even ruin their retirement by helping their child pay for college.

There is usually one common theme in these e-mails – the parents are usually not on track for retirement, they have debt, or they cannot afford to help their child in college.

Here are some of the stories I have heard in these emails:

The parents have over $100,000 in student loans that they took out in THEIR name so their child could go to school. These parents are not on track for retirement and they have a lot of other debt besides student loans.
Their child is in medical school and the parents are paying for all of their college expenses plus food, car, rent, etc. These parents are not on track for retirement and they have debt.
Their child is in law school and the child said that if his/her parents don’t continue paying for their expenses, that they would hate their parents. This child was even more mad when the parents printed out every single blog post of mine and gave it to them (I did not tell their parents to do that, it was entirely their idea). The child said I was ruining his/her life (yup, that actually happened). These parents are not on track for retirement and they are afraid of losing their child now as well.

I know I’m not a parent.

I’m not a parenting or child expert either.

I know I don’t know what it is like to have a child and the feelings that go along with that. However, I do know that I raised my younger sister after my father passed away and her attending college did make me want to help her so that she wouldn’t have to worry about money as much.

The other day I was talking to my sister and she was bringing up different ways she could possibly side hustle so that she could make extra money. It sort of made me feel bad, and for a moment I thought about helping her financially. Luckily, she snapped me out of it and told “You’ve helped me enough already. Do not worry.”

Her saying that really made me happy. I actually had tears in my eyes!

Instead of just giving her money, I helped her with her budget, I have supported her, I helped her find side hustles so that she could make extra money, I helped her make a plan, and more.

I know all of these other things I am doing have shaped her into an awesome young lady. Yes, she has to learn things the hard way but in the end she will be just fine.

@SenseofCents Good question! As a CFP, I say no. You can get a loan for college but you can’t get one for retirement!

— Shannah Game (@ProfShannah) September 27, 2014

@SenseofCents No. Akin to ‘put your oxygen mask on first before helping others’ on planes. — BidAskDividends (@BidAskDividends) September 27, 2014

@SenseofCents they shouldn’t risk their retirement but If they are in a position to help they should. I couldn’t have done it on my own. — Erica (@raerica) September 27, 2014

Quick note: If you are looking for information on college funding, I recommend attending the webinar 6 Steps To Quickly Secure Scholarships For College. Jocelyn Paonita Pearson, Founder of The Scholarship System, secured over $125,000 in scholarships and funding by following this system!

Alarming information about student loans.

According to the Federal Education Budget Project, around $100 billion was borrowed by students in fiscal 2014 alone. Also, the default rate on student loan debt averages around 13% to 14%. 90% of student loans in recent years are co-signed by others (mostly parents), and that is a big burden falling on parents.

That’s a lot of debt, and that’s a lot of debt that isn’t being paid for. If you are a parent cosigning on student loan debt, I hope you understand the consequences that can come from it.

Should parents help their children go to college?

Okay, before anyone thinks this is a post bashing all parents who help their children, I should say that I have no problem with parents helping their children pay to go to college. However, that’s AS LONG AS THE PARENTS CAN AFFORD IT.

I have plenty of friends who went to college where a lot of it was paid for by their parents. These parents could afford it, and that is key. If you are on track for retirement, you are not struggling, and so on, and you want to help your children attend college, then by all means go for it.

I also have plenty of friends who went to college where everything was paid for yet their parents clearly could not afford it. Some of these parents took on a second or even a third job so that their child could go to school. They racked up credit card debt and student loan debt as well. Some of these students never paid a cent towards their student loans and their parents were forced to in the end. They risked their retirements, their happiness and more. While I understand that these parents care for their children, they need to realize they are putting their retirements at risk.

Like Shannah said above in the tweet, you can take out loans for student loans, but you can’t for retirement.

When we have children, as long as we are on track for retirement then we will most likely help our children attend and afford college.

I know that my story is not the average story, but I went to college with no help at all. I paid for all three of my degrees on my own, lived on my own, worked full-time, paid for all of my food, and more, all starting just days after I turned 18 and graduated from high school.

It was tough, but I do think it is possible.

For other students, it may take longer to graduate, or it may take less, they may take on more debt, or they may take on less. Everyone’s story is different, but it does not mean it is not possible.

One great story I recently read was How I Graduated College With $100k… in Savings on Budgets Are Sexy. Many say my story is impossible, but just wait until you read this great story. You will be amazed at how awesome Will is! I’m jealous but I know he worked hard for his accomplishments.

How can parents help but not risk their retirement?

Instead of risking your retirement, you can do other things to help your child go to college. Below are some of my tips if you have children who are about to attend college:

You don’t need to help in every way possible. For some reason, there is this myth out there that helping your child go to college means you need to pay for everything for them. Instead of paying for their tuition, textbooks, food, dorm, car, and everything else, set limits. You might help by giving them emotional support, letting them stay in your home while they are in college, helping them find ways to save money for college, helping them cut their college expenses, and more.

Help them get a job. If you don’t have the money to help your child, you may want to help them find a job. This way they can pay for their own expenses. Just a little bit can go a long way.

Help them create a budget. If your child doesn’t have a budget, help them create one now. Read Does your budget suck? – Budget Categories. A budget can go a long way and help someone overcome many financial difficulties.

Related articles:

There are quite a few questions for you today, because I think this topic is an interesting one. I know that not everyone will have the same opinion so I want everyone to chime in! 🙂

Do you think parents should risk their retirement and pay for college?

What if the parents are on track for retirement? How much should they help, if anything at all?

Will you help your children go to college?

Comments

Daisy says

October 5, 2014 at 6:24 pm

This is why i like Canada, You open up a savings account for your children and you start putting money every month. Every year government automatically doubles up the money that you have saved for your children . By the time your children is out of high school, you will have money to cover his-her educational expenses.

Veronica Lee says

October 24, 2014 at 8:46 am

I think parents should help only if they can afford it. I certainly will not risk my retirement for my kids’ college but will help and support in other ways. For a start, we are letting them stay in our home while they are in college

Rebecca says

October 29, 2014 at 10:30 am

My mom paid for my books and my dad paid a couple thousand dollars that my student loans didn’t cover. my parents made it very clear to me in high school that I needed to get scholarships to go to college because they would not be paying all of it. I got a lot of scholarships, and I graduated college with $20,000 in student loan debt. I’ve noticed that when parents pay completely for their kids college, those are the students that end up dropping out of college. I think those kids have less ownership in their education, and it doesn’t matter as much to them.

Michelle @ Modern Acupuncture Marketing says

January 12, 2015 at 12:54 pm

I don’t plan to pay my kids’ way through college. I didn’t get help with my college funds, and I take responsibility for the loans I took out. I want my kids to understand that same responsibility. If they know they’re paying for it, I feel like they’ll take it more seriously. At least, that was my viewpoint when I was a student.

Lori says

August 13, 2015 at 3:36 am

ok here’s my two cents… Or adjusted for inflation $200?
Start early… And i dont mean a savings account for your child’s education. For us, and most people I know, we spent our childs early years trying to get out of debt and learn to live that way… All the while teaching them not to do as we did…AVOID DEBT!! We told our sons that they ate their college fund every night for supper and their means for going to college was academic scholarships and a well honed work ethic coupled by good ole common sense. You don’t go to a college you can’t afford, you focus on getting the act/sat scores that will get full ride scholarships, keep the grades up to maintain the scholarship and seek out any grants or outside scholarships they can. We currently have 3 sons in college, no debt and they have an ownership of their education that comes from having worked hard for it. They all live at home– we pay for food (from home, not eating out) charge no rent, cell phones, insurance, occasional gas money or textbook.over 90% college students take out loans and 40-60% never graduate—-sobering numbers. Think of how their life would be drastically different if they didnt start off with crippling debt and then have to help you after graduation because you spent all your money on the education they never finished. As Dave Ramsey says “live like no one else now so you can live and give like no one else later”

Millennial Boss says

May 20, 2016 at 2:06 am

My parents went into a lot of debt to put my sister and I on expensive sports teams and contributed what they could to our private colleges. They now rationalize all of that spending saying that it made us successful and all the debt they’re in now was necessary for us. I feel bad but they didn’t see any other way. I have the luxury of the internet to educate me about finances but they didn’t have that. I hope to help them out with their debt soon but as you said – you can’t take on the world. Sometimes just helping people in little ways can make a big difference.

Nita says

November 28, 2017 at 2:21 pm

I have four kids, I helped under a few conditions. They went to Community College 1st, they finished in 2 years their CC ~ and they found a major at CC that they could work a viable job after. They paid for the last 2 years. My youngest two were homeschooled for High School and got their degrees within 2.5 yrs by doing CLEP, DSST, Straighterline, Study.com, overloaded courses with Universities that accepted their transfer credits from these sources and their degrees only cost me between $15K and $20K with them not taking out any loans. I believe people feel obligated to have the ‘dream college experience’ without realizing that isn’t a reality for most people. Many students start, get into a ton of debt without even finishing or working in the chosen field. My kids had to research their majors, validate that they could get a job after the investment, and if they wanted a major that wasn’t paying out, they had to minor in that subject and pay for it on their own.