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A Spender and a Saver Relationship

BY Michelle Schroeder-Gardner - 90 Comments

Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links, meaning I get a commission if you decide to make a purchase through my links, at no cost to you. Please read my disclosure for more info.

As most of you know, Wes and I have had combined finances, lived together, and owned a home together for quite some time. Because of this, we have always been very open with our finances and our spending habits.

Thing is, we are completely different when it comes to finances.

I am a crazy saver.

I've talked about this before in Confession: I Let Money Control My Life. I compulsively check our financial accounts, we have a large emergency fund, I always think about our financial goals before we spend money, and so on.

Wes on the other hand, is a spender.

He knows how to use money to have fun and enjoy life. He plans fun trips and fun ways to spend his money, and he doesn't worry or wonder about every little purchase.

When in a spender and a saver relationship, below are different areas you may want to think about:

 

I think spenders and savers can make a great match.

I think me and Wes (financially) make a great match BECAUSE I am a saver and he is a spender. Some would say that a saver with a saver, or a spender with a spender is a better idea because there will be less conflict, but I just don't agree with that.

Instead, we each are learning and growing from each other and together.

I have taught him that saving can be a good thing. We have financial goals and we keep each other in check so that we can reach them. He understands the importance of saving and how it can help us.

He has taught me that money can be enjoyed as well. If it weren't for him, I would probably not be enjoying life at all because I would be agonizing about every little penny. While that may work for some, I believe that life is meant to be enjoyed. He helps me live life more!

 

Be open about your finances.

If you have opposite spending/saving habits, then I always think it's best to be open and communicate about your finances. You might want to have routine money talks, discussions about “allowances,” and more.

In your talks, you might want to discuss why each of you are the way you are, how much debt the other has or has had in the past, and what your long-term goals are.

 

Don't hide money.

Whether you are the saver or the spender in the relationship, some might try to hide money in their relationship. According to a survey done by CreditCards.com, around 7% of those they surveyed were hiding money from their significant other. Most of them either have a secret credit card or a secret savings account.

The saver might try to hide money so that the spender can't spend it. They might lie about how much money is saved or how much money they currently have so that the other person has less “access” to spending the money.

The spender might try to hide money so that they can have more money to spend at a later time. They might rack up credit card debt on the side so that they can still spend money.

I think having a secret account can be devastating to a relationship. This is something you definitely do not want to do. How would you feel if you found out your significant other had hidden money or hidden debt?

I'm going to assume that would not be the greatest feeling…

 

Maybe having a separate account is what you need.

For some, having separate financial accounts may be what you need. I know of a few different couples who have separate finances and wouldn't have it any other way.

This way each person is in charge of their own finances.

 

Are you the spender or the saver in your relationship?

What do you do to make it work?

 

P.S. Please come back tomorrow. I have a Reader Question going live tomorrow and this reader needs your help.

 

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About Michelle Schroeder-Gardner

Michelle is the founder of Making Sense of Cents, a blog about personal finance and traveling. She discusses how her business has evolved in her side income series. She paid off $40,000 in student loans by the age of 24 mainly due to her freelancing side hustles. Click here to learn more about starting a blog!

Comments

  2. MMD says

    August 18, 2014 at 5:03 am

    I’m the saver in the family and my wife is the spender. The way we make it work is that we try to have a mutual respect for what the other is doing. No one blames the other when they don’t get their way. I think a spender and a saver can round out a good relationship because it helps to keep that balance you need as you work together.

    Reply

  3. EarlyRetirementGuy says

    August 18, 2014 at 5:55 am

    I’m most certainly the saving in the relationship.. and my other half is the very definition of a spender! I agree with you that the two can compliment each-other nicely as long as both are willing to compromise occasionally. As with most things in life; moderation is key. Being too much of a saver and you’ll spend your whole life saving and missing the actual living it part. I’m still hoping to convince my spend-happy partner about the joys of saving though 😉

    Reply

  4. Jayson @ Monster Piggy Bank says

    August 18, 2014 at 6:06 am

    I am a spender and my wife is a saver. We always end up in an argument sometimes and most of time, I just give in to her because of her explanation on saving for future and her power of encouragement. I think she’s turning me into a saver, which I think good because I can see results in our savings.

    Reply

  5. Kasia says

    August 18, 2014 at 6:28 am

    I’m the spender while the other half is the saver. I’ve found that over the years he’s helped me become more conscious of my spending and pushed me to save more. We’ve never argued about money and we generally discuss large purchases before making them. We each have our own bank accounts and one joint one in which we are saving up for a property purchase. For now that is working for us and we aim to strike a balance between saving and spending.

    Reply

  6. Charlotte says

    August 18, 2014 at 6:44 am

    I’m a saver but I have zero issue spending if it’s something I really want/value. The last guy I dated was a (huge, almost reckless) spender and it stressed me out sometimes haha!

    I like the idea of joint accounts for any communal expenses and/or saving goals but at the same time, keeping separate accounts with your “freebie” money. This way, the spenders can spend it if they want and the savers can save/spend/invest who they want. If it makes a couple more comfortable to split it up a bit, it’s fine by me.

    Reply

  11. Stephanie says

    August 18, 2014 at 8:15 am

    My husband and I have a similar dynamic – I’m the saver and he’s the spender. Just like with the two of you, I think it works well for us, because we balance each other out. I make sure we’re saving for retirement and keep a decent amount of money in emergency savings, and he reminds me that it’s ok to indulge once in awhile. Left completely to our own devices, his finances would be a disorganized mess and mine would be great but I’d never have any fun. When we work together, our different styles compliment one another very well.

    Reply

  12. Michelle says

    August 18, 2014 at 8:19 am

    I am usually the spender in my relationships. Strangely though, I also tend to have habits that are a lot more frugal. It’s weird how things work that way!

    Reply

  13. Emily @ evolvingPF says

    August 18, 2014 at 8:23 am

    My husband and I are both “unconflicted savers,” which I think is perfect. We both have a tendency to save but aren’t extreme and agree nearly all the time. I understand the benefit of the complementary relationship between a spender and saver for those who are extreme, but it’s so much easier when you just are constitutionally similar and in the middle. Your advice is great for all combinations of couples.

    Reply

  15. EL @ Moneywatch101 says

    August 18, 2014 at 8:33 am

    I am the saver in the relationship. I agree it brings balance with one being a saver and the other being a spender, but it can also bring balance if both are savers as well. As long as people communicate and do not impede the enjoyment of life when it comes to spending on occasion. (Travel, entertainment activities) It works when you have a plan, and do not deviate from them without a good logical reason, because then that’s when things go south, and arguments arise.

    Reply

  16. Robin @ The Thrifty Peach says

    August 18, 2014 at 8:38 am

    I think finances can be one of the biggest challenges in a marriage if you are opposites. My husband and I are opposites as well. I’m the saver and he’s the spender. When we first got married, we avoided talking about finances to avoid conflict… which really only makes things worse! Now, the more we talk about it, the better we handle things and as a result, he’s becoming more and more of a saver. 🙂

    Reply

  17. MomCents says

    August 18, 2014 at 8:46 am

    Me and hubby are in a spender/saver relationship
    I am the saver and he is a spender…not a big spender….but is more apt to be the one to indulge.

    We have a joint account, but also separate accounts and CC cards. The agreement with the CC card is not to spend over 30% utilization unless the other knows about it and no big purchase surprises. But this way, we don’t have to have a financial meeting for him to buy a cheeseburger.

    Reply

  18. Kassandra @ More Than Just Money says

    August 18, 2014 at 9:58 am

    Hiding money from a spouse is a huge red flag that there are other issues in the relationship that need to be addressed. My DH is more of a spender and I lean heavily towards savings but we discuss money often and are in sync with our short and long term goals.

    Reply

  19. Sarah says

    August 18, 2014 at 10:07 am

    My husband and I are both spenders. However, we don’t spend on large ticket items. We save, but we have an issue with impulse buying on smaller ticket items. (A soda here, a toy for kids there). Things that are huge, but defiantly add up.

    Reply

  20. cece@pink sunshine says

    August 18, 2014 at 10:13 am

    I’m the saver and I basically just try not to lose my mind!! No. joking. Having our own accounts does help big time. We have a joint and a separate for our own stuff. Also, I just have had to learn to lighten up. I’ve also taught him a few things about savings and I think he’s really happy that we have a healthy savings account that we probably wouldn’t have if it were up to him.

    Reply

  21. Allison says

    August 18, 2014 at 10:43 am

    We are just a like y’all. I’m a aver and if it were up to me, we would never spend, never have fun, and be boring losers with money piled away.
    My husband is a spender! Like wes he plans trips and adventures.
    A few months ago he wanted to begin some work on our home and I wanted to be more aggressive in paying off our mortgage. So we agreed that every dollar spent on the house we had to match 50 cents and put towards an extra principal mortgage payment. So if a project cost 2k, we have to budget 3k before we even start the project, so that 1k can go towards mortgage payments.

    Reply

  23. Anne @ Money Propeller says

    August 18, 2014 at 11:41 am

    We are both spenders and savers… just in different areas, if that makes sense. A lot of the time, it means we support each others spending, though! Thankfully, we have a high savings rate to keep everything in balance. It has been very interesting figuring out what types of things the other person values. For example, I value travel a LOT more than my spouse does, who is always worried about the cost. My spouse, on the other hand, is a gear head, who always needs one more gadget.

    Reply

    • Michelle S. says

      August 18, 2014 at 2:52 pm

      Yes, Wes is a total gear head as well. He loves traveling, but he’s more of a “hiking/camping” traveler, which means he’s all about buying expensive gear but goes on super cheap trips.

      I on the other hand am all about the actual trip and I don’t care about gadgets at all haha!

      Reply

  24. Mrs. Frugalwoods says

    August 18, 2014 at 12:02 pm

    So funny–I posted today about how we handle our finances in the context of our marriage and a lot of what we do is very similar to you! I totally agree with you on the importance of transparency and sharing your finances with each other–key to a good relationship. I think Mr. FW and I are both savers, but we tend to encourage the other one to spend, which balances us out.

    Reply

  25. Nicola says

    August 18, 2014 at 12:21 pm

    We’re both savers! Which definitely helped us save for our house deposit and be so careful with our money. But, we do make sure we treat ourselves and we do enjoy traveling so that is one of our priorities 🙂

    Reply

  27. DC @ Young Adult Money says

    August 18, 2014 at 1:17 pm

    My wife and I are both savers. With that being said, we do recognize times when it is okay to spend money. For example, we wouldn’t not go to a friend’s out of town wedding because we’d have to pay for a hotel. We are also willing to go out to eat without beating ourselves up over it (granted it’s still a fairly rare occurrence). Also, in all honesty if our income increases we’d probably spend more, ESPECIALLY on our house (hardwood floors anyone?).

    Reply

  28. Aldo @ Million Dollar Ninja says

    August 18, 2014 at 2:38 pm

    I used to be the spender, but now I’m a saver. Well, not a good a saver as Kate because she’s just a natural saver… she doesn’t even try and is able to save so much money. We have separate accounts and just split the cost of everything – for the most part. It’s working for us so far, we’ll see what the future holds.

    Reply

  29. nicole says

    August 18, 2014 at 3:30 pm

    My husband and I are the same way. I am the saver in the house and he is the spender. There has been compromise over our 6 years but we’ve got it down to a science now 🙂

    Reply

  30. NZ Muse says

    August 18, 2014 at 4:51 pm

    Ha yeah we are exactly the same as you guys. It’s not always easy and I do wish he was a little MORE of a saver but mostly we balance each other out – and no person, no relationship, is 100% perfect.

    Reply

    • Michelle S. says

      August 18, 2014 at 7:06 pm

      Yes, I won’t lie, it would be awesome if Wes was a little bit more of a saver. I think he’s coming along though! It’s been over 8 years but he’s learning 🙂

      Reply

  31. jeri accardo says

    August 18, 2014 at 7:22 pm

    We made an agreement that anything over $15.00, we discuss, because I carry the debit card, do all the shopping and so forth. He has never been good having any of the cards. So that works great for us.

    Reply

  32. Prudence Debtfree says

    August 18, 2014 at 7:22 pm

    I’m glad you have a healthy balance in your spender/saver relationship. I feel so badly for people whose spouses are out of control with their spending. They put the relationship and the family at risk, and the spouse with good money management is burdened by stress and a financial mess that he or she did not create. There are different levels of the spender mentality. It would be tricky to identify exactly when the scales tip and it’s gone too far.

    Reply

  33. James Salmons says

    August 18, 2014 at 7:44 pm

    I notice that everyone who has posted is a saver, unless I missed something somewhere. Interesting. Perhaps more spenders would profit by reading your posts!

    No one has commented on your suggestion that in some cases separate checking accounts are a good idea. While I think that it is a good idea to have a joint account in which all general expenses are managed, I would like to suggest that everyone needs a separate checking account for their own use as well in which they have a set amount for personal spending.

    Of course spending money can be done with cash, but here is my thought based on some years of counseling people with financial issues. An amazing number of people actually cannot manage a checkbook let alone family finances. Many elderly women in particular are financially illiterate when their husband dies they find themselves alone (it can happen to men of course but most often men die earlier). This simple step will not teach all there is to learn, but just managing your own checkbook for personal expenses can help a lot.

    Reply

  34. Dan @ Our Big Fat Wallet says

    August 18, 2014 at 8:14 pm

    This pretty much sums up my relationship with my wife. Im a saver and she is a spender. We have learnt to work around it and have found that communicating about money is best. It has taken some time but it’s definitely worth it to build a common understanding with money. She would never get out of control with her spending an I would never get out of control with my saving

    Reply

  35. Sumbul Aslam says

    August 18, 2014 at 8:41 pm

    Well me and my hubby has separate accounts.He is responsible of bill ,mortgage and household expenditure ..where as i mostly save ( for kids college and emergencies).We prefer having a debit card rather than credit .So we are keeping a balance in our finances and responsibilities and we are enjoying life to the fullest .

    Reply

  38. Cami says

    August 18, 2014 at 9:52 pm

    Thankfully, we haven’t had money issues in our marriage because we are open about our spending. We’re both savers but spend in different ways. My husband makes a few big purchases and I spend a little bit at a time. Somehow, it usually evens out between the two of us.

    Reply

  39. M.Clark says

    August 18, 2014 at 9:53 pm

    I am a saver, but I know a lot of spenders and I don’t know if I would be able to coexist with someone who spends without thinking about the consequences.

    Reply

  42. Brianne Maloney says

    August 20, 2014 at 11:15 am

    My boyfriend & I are both savers because at this time in our lives we don’t really have a choice. We both work 9-5 jobs and live on our own so always have to worry about paying bills which isn’t fun but it’s reality.

    Reply

  44. DNN says

    January 28, 2019 at 9:19 pm

    I wasn’t frugal in 2017 and most of 2018. But this year, the “side hustle millionaire” mind is out and dancing like a warrior in the night to take over the block and set up shop to get this long $ gUaP $ ! 🙂

    Reply

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