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Confession: I Let Money Control My Life

Last Updated: BY Michelle Schroeder-Gardner - 77 Comments

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Confession: I Let Money Control My LifeI’ve talked about not letting money control your life before, and I recently came across the topic again.

The other day someone told me it’s impossible for a personal finance blogger to not worry about money. They were saying I should be telling everyone that being controlled by money is actually a good thing.

I have to disagree though.

I don’t think that in order to be in charge of your financial well-being that you have to bow down to money and let it completely control your life.

Even though I say that though, I still let money control my life a little bit.

I’m not as bad as I used to be, but I still let money control my life more than I should.

Here are some of the things I constantly think about: 

  • I worry about bad business months. Yes, I know I publish my monthly income reports and I am doing well, but as a freelancer I still have the occasional week or two almost every month where everything seems completely dead. Also, sometimes I think about how life is almost TOO good to be true, and I wonder when it will all come falling down on me. I know, I am such a Debbie Downer!
  • My emergency fund is too large. Yes, that IS possible. Our emergency fund is around a full year of expenses right now. I am weird and I just don’t feel comfortable with it being any smaller. This means that I’m not investing this money more aggressively even though I am young. I am losing out on money and I don’t know if this is something I can ever change.
  • Home repairs. I sometimes act like my home is going to collapse. I don’t know why I’m like this. We’ve never really had anything major happen with our home, but whenever the smallest thing happens, I tend to worry that it’s going to cost $10,000 to fix. In reality, there would have to be something significantly broken in order for it to cost that amount!
  • I sometimes compare myself to others. When I say “compare,” I’m talking about comparing how I am financially doing to how others are doing. I read a lot of personal finance blogs and it just seems like all of these people are professional savers, whereas I’m just nowhere near as good as they are.

Here are some of the things to think about if money is controlling your life.

 

Money is just money.

This is something I always have to tell myself when I start having a money control freak out. Money is JUST money, and nothing else. Money doesn’t lead to happiness. Sure, it can make life easier sometimes, but life isn’t all about it.

Life will go on and freaking out about money doesn’t change the situation you are in. You need to actively change your life.

For me, I would always calculate our budget. I’m talking like every single day. I would spend hours upon hours trying to figure out our budget, financial goals and more. And, if I wasn’t on track it would upset me.

However, living with regret and being upset doesn’t change your situation!

If you want to see change, you need to actually do something.

 

I need to stop comparing myself.

I’m not talking about comparing myself in a keeping up with the joneses way. I’m talking about comparing myself to others who may be doing better financially.

For example, I came across an article recently that stated that the average person my age should have like $200,000 saved for retirement already. I thought that amount was absolutely insane, and I felt upset that I’m not at that level. Then, I started reading the comments and others who were even younger than me were saying that $200K seemed low.

HA, who are these people?

I then all of a sudden wanted to start saving even more. Yes, I make a decent income, but all of that is before taxes (and taxes take out a significant chunk). For me to have been at the level that these people were talking about, I would have had to take some drastic measures by now.

 

Does money dominate your life? In what ways? Are you trying to change that?

 

Image via Flickr by TaxCredits.net

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About Michelle Schroeder-Gardner

Michelle is the founder of Making Sense of Cents, a blog about personal finance and traveling. She discusses how her business has evolved in her side income series. She paid off $40,000 in student loans by the age of 24 mainly due to her freelancing side hustles. Click here to learn more about starting a blog!

Comments

  2. Clarisse @ Make Money Your Way says

    Me too, sometimes I compare myself to others and I know that it’s not right and it doesn’t bring any good result. I can relate with you Michelle, especially if I had read on some blogs, articles or watch on TV interviews that with my same age or even younger than me already own a house and lot and have a big savings,sometimes it’s very frustrating and I want to be like them too.

    Reply

  3. Nicola says

    I worry a lot about money, specifically that we’re not doing enough which is daft! We’re doing the best we can and I have to remind myself that that’s good enough.

    Reply

  4. John @ Wise Dollar says

    I don’t think it controls our lives, but then again I deal with a few of those same factors you listed in the beginning…so I don’t know what that says for those of us that work for themselves. 🙂 That said, I think it’s natural, to some extent, the key is to not allowing it getting it too out of balance.

    Reply

  5. DC @ Young Adult Money says

    I think there is no denying that money dominates my life. I could really relate to some of the points you made at the beginning of the post. I DON’T worry about my emergency fund being too large and would absolutely love to have this problem, but everything else is spot on. I have my regular job but with the blog I constantly worry about business drying up, and if I worked a biz full-time I would constantly be thinking about “what if” the revenue streams dried up. Anyway I need to stop comparing myself as well, though it has motivated me to hustle which I think is generally a good thing.

    Reply

  6. Stefanie @ The Broke and Beautiful Life says

    Comparisons of any kind are a bad idea- financial, professional, etc. As an actress, it’s incredibly difficult not to compare your career trajectory to others, but I’ve found it to be a recipe for misery. Staying focused on my own goals and achievements in that arena has definitely helped me apply the same gratitude for blogging.

    Reply

  7. Charlotte says

    200k in retirement savings at our age?! That’s wild!!
    I used to let money control my life a lot more but this summer in particular, I’ve let loose (maybe a little too much!). While there’s definitely room for improvement, I know I’m doing way better than so many people my age and I’m taking care of my present and future self.
    As for your huge emergency fund, you can always invest part of it and withdraw if you ever need the cash. That way, you’ll know it’s “there”, but it’ll be working for you so long as an emergency doesn’t creep up. Food for though!

    Reply

  8. Grayson @ Debt Roundup says

    I wish I had $200k saved up, but I am no where near that amount. Money does have a significant impact in my life. I am motivated to make more of it and then put it to work. Money controls my life in how it motivates me to make more.

    Reply

  10. MomCents says

    I think you’re being too hard on yourself — I think you are cognizant and cautious about where your money goes. Sounds like you have a low tolerance for risk…but so what….a lot of people do. I think money (or lack thereof — debt) controls people’s life.

    Reply

  11. John C @ Action Economics says

    I read that article, or a similar one, and my understanding was it was based around what someone would have if they were maxing a 401K and getting an employer match from the day they started working. Reardless, VERY few people actually have those amounts saved up. I won’t lie, sometimes I see how well others are doing and question what I am doing wrong, but for the most part as long as you have a long term plan that works for you, stick with it and don’t worry about what others are doing. One of my favorite quotes is from Tony Horton on the P90X DVDs “Just do YOUR best and forget the rest.”

    Reply

  12. Kim says

    I probably do think about money too much and I always worry that the bottom is going to fall out of something. My Mom is always a glass half empty person, and I try not to be, but I think money issues is where it tends to hit me. I think it is never good to compare to others. When we were in debt, I always thought we were doing better than most because everyone I knew was also in debt and almost no one had any retirement assets,so I felt like my saving 3% was a big deal. Now, when you look at some of the bloggers who retired early, I feel way behind, so it really is best to just look at your own situation, although it’s almost impossible not to compare!

    Reply

  13. Alicia says

    Yep, money totally controls my life. Every once and awhile I force myself to take a step back and realize that it isn’t the be all and end all I treat it to be. Which is relatively hard because I write about it on a weekly basis… so it’s very much in the forefront. But that might not be a bad thing when paying down debt – though, I imagine I’ll stay like that afterwards when I’m in the money accumulation mindset as well.

    Reply

  14. Joshua @ CNAFinance.com says

    Money does dominate my life to some extent, but I think in my case, it’s healthy. When I was a bit younger, I didn’t care. I’d always make some if I needed it…that is until it wasn’t so easy to come across. So, I think that a healthy amount of financial fear is a great thing as it keeps me on track. Thanks for the great read!

    Reply

  15. kammi says

    Michelle, you’re wonderful! Please don’t ever change! Don’t worry about other people. I actually think it’s pretty good that you’re concerned about money, but don’t let it paralyze your life. I think it’s also good to set your own goals. 200K may be a lot for you right now, but maybe it’s something that can be obtained within the next five/ten years or so? Your economic gain my increase significantly down the road and you may be able to save more and more money easily, so you really can’t compare your standpoint at one point in life to the rest of your life. I really enjoy reading your blog; you’re a real person and have a great community here! Thanks!

    Reply

  16. Shannon @ Financially Blonde says

    Money used to control my life a lot more when I was in my 20s, and it’s sad because it is just wasted energy that could be spent more on positive things like enjoying life and being happy with where you are. My hubby used to coach cross country and he always told his runners, “run your own race” I think the same applies for our money and finances. As long as you are running the best race you can, then don’t worry about the other people around you.

    Reply

  18. Irene @ Freelancers on the Road says

    I think if you are self-employed money is always a consideration. In a way, it has to be: we created a lifestyle we like and would like to keep it that way. However, we still try not to focus too much on money – after all there are many things that are more important! Personally, it helps us to stay on top of our finances on all times – occasionally we are even in for a surprise and can take the day off 🙂

    Reply

  21. Natalie says

    Money is just a means to an end. That is exactly how you should see it and not compare yourself to others. I do it ALL THE TIME as well and it can only lead to heartache. I think you are doing awesome and the bumps along the road are completely normal. Just breathe. You will make it.

    Reply

  23. Alicia @ Monster Piggy Bank says

    I am one of those people who keep on thinking about money. I’m quite paranoid especially about budgeting for the family and monthly bills.The biggest misconception I had about it was that once I set it up, I had to live by it to the cent.

    Reply

  24. James Salmons says

    When I was a child a friend of mine told me our family was rich. Why? Because we had a washer and dryer!

    Comparing ourselves to others is a meaningless thing to do. Most people only look at those they imagine to be doing “better.” Many of those people are in debt over their eyeballs. They are struggling as much or more than many who really are poor.

    If they are doing well, then they have what they deserve by earning it and are models, not someone to be envious of. I hope that none of the readers on this site are jealous of Michelle or depressed over their own failure to achieve so much. Instead, if we look at others at all we should be admiring success and seeking to learn from the model.

    I have had my share of economic adjustments to make over life, but thankfully my family raised me to understand that we should look only at how we are managing what we have and never compare ourselves to others. If we want more, figure out a way to earn it. If what we are doing fails, learn from it and try something else.

    Reply

  25. Tonya@Budget and the Beach says

    I think as freelancers it’s hard not to think about money quite a bit. It’s just something that is not as guaranteed as when you are working full time. But, given that you have back up’s in place like a one-year emergency fund, it should help alleviate that some. I worry, especially since I make a tiny fraction of what you make a month and live in an expensive city, but not as much as I did a couple years ago.

    Reply

  26. Kayla @ Shoeaholicnomore says

    One financial thing I am very proud of is that I started saving for retirement from the very beginning of my “professional” working/career. I didn’t save for retirement when I was working part-time in HS, but when I got my first office-type job in college with a matching 401K type program, I started saving for retirment with my first check. I’ve never slowed down or stopped my contributions and now I have a fairly sizeable chunk in my retirment accounts. I’m sure it’s not as much as some people, but I’m proud of what I do have and I know that while it’s not as much as some people my age have, it’s a lot more than others.

    Reply

    • James Salmons says

      You should be proud of yourself. For years I taught people to do just what you are doing and I can tell you that unfortunately very few do, even though they all seem to acknowledge that it is the way to go. It shows good judgment on your part and an ability to make important decisions based on what is best, not what is easiest.

      My congratulations to you as well. You will be even happier about your choice when you are my age (we won’t mention what that is, but it is old enough that I could be retired if I were so inclined).

      Reply

  27. Amy says

    I certainly agree that there are much more important things in life than money, but I also think that whether or not money controls/dominates your life depends on your money situation. I’m working to pay down a lot of debt, so it tends to be an important focus (and source of anxiety) for me these days. I don’t think it’s more important than my family and friends, but these days it ranks pretty high up there.

    Reply

  28. Jason B says

    Money doesn’t control my life, but I do know that I need to make a lot of it so I that I can reach my goals. Unfortunately these debts and bills will not pay themselves.

    Reply

  29. E.M. says

    You are so not alone, Michelle! I do worry that our emergency fund is too big, and that’s probably worse for me to say, considering we still have student loans to worry about. But I always think the worst will happen, and it helps me sleep at night. I’m the same way with my car as you are about your house – as soon as anything seems out of the ordinary, I worry it’ll be $1,000 to fix. And of course, things generally work themselves out, and I’ve worried for nothing! I’m also guilty of feeling like we’re not far ahead enough for our age. It’s tough to stop comparing situations, but we have to remind ourselves we usually don’t know the whole story.

    Reply

    • Michelle S. says

      I was the same way when I had student loans. I had a super large EF and eventually used that to pay off my student loans. Those few months where I had to building my EF back up were stressful!

      Reply

  30. Brian @ Luke1428 says

    It’s one thing to think about money often…it’s quite another to say money controls your life. Money should never control us. We need to control it. That is what proper budgeting, saving, investing, etc. is doing…telling money what to go do with itself.

    It’s similar to how parents need to control their children, not the other way around. If parents don’t set the boundaries on behavior the kids will do whatever they want and thus be in control of the relationship. That’s not a good place for a parent to be.

    Reply

  31. Melissa says

    $200k?! Already?! What?! Well, sign me up for living under a bridge when I’m old. I’m older than you (I believe) and I’m no where near $200k. Maybe even closer to negative $200k, ha.

    One of the best things I’ve learned from my parents is that money is a tool. Make as much money as you need to be happy, but be aware of what makes you happy. If making extra money so you can travel and spend time makes you happy, then money is your vehicle to make that happen. I don’t know if what I’m saying makes sense, but thinking about money that way has made me a lot more at peace with how much I make, and keeps me from comparing myself to others (to a degree ;))

    Reply

  32. Kate@GoodnightDebt says

    I don’t think money controls my life, but it certainly controls my thoughts. Obsessed is probably the right word. My husband confronted me lasted weekend about it. I was hoping through paying off my debt, I’d be able to get a handle on my obsession. Now instead of worrying about it, I talk and read about it. I’m not sure if that’s progress.

    Reply

  33. Natalie Brown says

    Money does not control my life. My father is a financial planner and it controls his life. lol I think everyone who owns their own business worries about income and that it will suddenly stop. I’m sure you’ll be fine. Worry is really a waste of time. It’s a fear of the future and what’s going to happen is going to happen.
    ‘

    Reply

    • James Salmons says

      Natalie, you are certainly right about the nature of worry, a fear of the future (the unknown) and a waste of time. Unfortunately, for many it is hard to combat.

      There is one technique that really works well for most people who try it–it did for me: imagine the very worst thing that could happen and think about how you would deal with it. Chances are that even if you faced the worst (say bankruptcy and starting all over) you might not like it but you could deal with it.

      Reply

  34. Cindy B says

    We’ve never let money control our lives. We make sure our bills are paid and make sure we have an emergency fund. Before we retired we did make sure to save the maximum we were allowed and we are living very comfortable and have enough to do the things we want (like travel). Remember that you can not possibly plan for everything! For instance, we never dreamed we’d be raising a grandson in our retirement years!

    Reply

    • Michelle S. says

      Yes, not everything can be planned! That is something that I need to remember. And good for you for raising your grandson. I’ve been raising my sister since my dad passed away.

      Reply

  35. Karen Bernarte says

    Money does control my life, I can’t go to school because of financial incapability, I can’t travel, I can’t get what I want. But I try hard for it not to control my life, I do things that help me achieve my goes without money interfering.

    Reply

  36. Jessie says

    I have the same exact worries regarding my house! For some reason I think every problem we have will cost $10,000 to fix. I am hoping when we get out of debt and have a decent emergency fund I will worry less about this.

    Reply

  37. Will Lipovsky says

    I actually started keeping track of every worry that runs through my mind. I mark them as either money-related or other. By the end of the week, I’ll be able to quantify those money-related worries. Then I can fix them.

    Post to follow, of course.

    Reply

  39. Lisa E. @ Lisa vs. the Loans says

    I used to obsess over my money to the point where I would check my accounts every single day, multiple times a day! I’ve scaled back to twice a month, so I’m slowly letting go of money’s absolute control over me. Slowly, but surely haha.

    Reply

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