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It’s Your Money, Who Am I To Judge?

Last Updated: BY Michelle Schroeder-Gardner - 92 Comments

Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links, meaning I get a commission if you decide to make a purchase through my links, at no cost to you. Please read my disclosure for more info.

Earlier this month, I came across the article It’s my money and I’ll spend it how I want to. As soon as I was done reading it, I knew I had to do a follow up to it.

I’m in agreement with the author – I don’t care what others spend their money on, and I wish others didn’t care about what I spend my money on.

As long as you can afford whatever you are buying (I’m assuming you don’t have $200,000 in credit card debt and are not still buying useless garbage – but, wait, is that judging right there? Yes, I guess I just judged), who cares (as long as it’s not illegal of course)?

People are usually rather quick to judge another person. I’m not going to lie – I have judged others too quickly and have regretted it many times in the past. Also, as a personal finance blogger, I have seen a lot of financial mistakes and sometimes it’s hard not to judge. Sometimes the answer is so clearly there but how do you tell a person?

However, lets get past obvious financial mistakes. Today, we are just talking about judging others for what they spend their money on.

Often, I see others judging people on what they spend their money on. It’s not like it affects you, so why do you care? I could understand more if their spending habits were affecting you, but they most likely are not.

Some like to put others down for their purchases. They might say:

  • “Oh that person must have so much debt because they are buying such stupid things.”
  • “She goes to Starbucks so she must think she’s better than everyone else.”
  • “They have a nice car and they probably only have it to show off.”
  • “Do they think I’m stupid? I know their parents bought them that!”
  • “Why do they even buy that? It sucks anyways and they are probably in so much debt.”
  • “Don’t they know they should not buy that and save their money instead? They probably have nothing in savings.”

 

Everyone is different. Some prefer to spend their money on a vacation, whereas others think vacations are a complete waste of time and money. Some have hobbies such as collecting coins, whereas others just don’t see the point in that.

The thing is, no one in the world is exactly like another, so who cares if they enjoy different things than you do?

Also, you never know the whole story. You don’t know if they have debt or not, how often they spend, why they’re spending and so on. Even if you THINK you know, you probably don’t know the whole story.

Here are things I enjoy spending my money on:

 

I like to spend my money on vacations.

I’m definitely not a world traveler or a person who drops thousands of dollars a day when I’m traveling, but I do like to take the occasional vacation.

Most of my vacations are fairly cheap, and I do try to barter, use rewards points and so on in order to make my trip as frugal as possible.

To me, vacations are a great way to relax, and they can be a lot of fun as well. I enjoy getting outside and trying new things such as eating fun meals from wherever I am.

 

2013 Camaro 2ssI like to spend my money on cars.

We have two nice cars.

Yes, I know, I am a personal finance fail according to many others.

We have a Camaro 2SS that we bought last year, and two years ago we bought a Jeep Wrangler, both brand new.

AHHH I know, the amount of judging I have felt because of this.

So much judging…

We don’t have our cars because we are trying to show off, however, that’s what many people think we are trying to do. Everyone enjoys different things, we just so happen to enjoy our Jeep because we can drive to fun places in it, and the Camaro is great because it’s a fun car.

Just because you don’t think cars are fun doesn’t mean that everyone else agrees with you. There’s a reason that there are car clubs (yup, we’re members of a Jeep club where we live – there are meetings, food outings, and rough trail driving) out there, because people enjoy them!

Many people also don’t know the whole story. Wes used to sell new cars, so we know how the car buying process works and we also received a hefty discount for working for the car brand.

 

I bought a house at a young age. 

I have definitely been judged for this one.

We bought our house at the age of 20, and many people have judged us for this.

Some assume that our parents bought the house, that the house doesn’t exist (you would be surprised if I told you how many people thought we were just lying about the whole thing), that I actually live in a box (I still laugh when I hear that one), and so on.

There are many reasons for why we bought our house so young, and I’m still glad we did it. We love our home and wouldn’t change a thing.

 

I’m having an expensive (well, expensive in my mind) wedding next weekend.

Our wedding will cost around $20,000 to $25,000, including bartering that I have done, which is more than I thought we were going to spend.

I have had expensive wedding regret too, which is something that I am thankfully getting over. There are also times where I have felt guilty for having this wedding, when I know that others around us aren’t doing as well with their finances.

I haven’t felt too judged for having an expensive wedding yet, but there have been a couple of instances where others have been confused because they don’t think a personal finance blogger should be spending that amount of money on a wedding.

We have saved for quite some time for this (we’ve been together for 8 years!), and we really wanted to have a big party/celebration because that’s just what we like. I have also had a ton of fun planning the wedding, and I wanted a way to bring our families together.

 

What do you like to spend your money on?

Do you judge others on what they spend their money on?

 

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About Michelle Schroeder-Gardner

Michelle is the founder of Making Sense of Cents, a blog about personal finance and traveling. She discusses how her business has evolved in her side income series. She paid off $40,000 in student loans by the age of 24 mainly due to her freelancing side hustles. Click here to learn more about starting a blog!

Comments

  1. Clarisse @ Make Money Your Way says

    For me, buying a house with a very young age is such a big accomplishment! Sometimes, I was misjudged by another person and I really want to tell them that “It’s my money, I will do whatever I wanted to do, and I earned it”.

    Reply

  2. Christine Berry - Wealth Way Online says

    I try not to judge, because… well who cares! One thing that I really don’t like is when people ask me how I can afford so much travel… Um, because I make it a priority? And because I earn a lot more than average salary? I don’t get what they expect me to answer… It always feels uncomfortable. I don’t ask people how they can afford their new car when they buy one. None of my business!

    I’m really bad at spending money on:

    Expensive electronics: Apple phone, Apple computer, a full-frame dSLR Canon camera + gear worth around $4-5,000.
    Coffee: Coffee is my little treat and I’m getting so much better at not buying coffees out, but I wont blink if I spend a lot on coffees each week, so long as I’m working hard.
    Travel: LOVE travel! Would almost spend all my money on it, if I had to.

    Reply

  3. Beth says

    I get the “must be nice to have so much disposable income” line a lot because I’m single and people therefore think my life is easy. I’ve also been guilty of thinking that couples are financially better off than singles. People can be smart about money or not regardless of their marital status.

    I try to be open minded and not judge, but when people complain about how much debt they have or how they can’t afford a home when they’re spending on so many luxuries, are we going to sit back and say that’s okay when it’s not?

    Reply

    • Michelle S. says

      I definitely judge complainers, it’s hard not to. If they are openly complaining to me and the fix is so obvious that I feel like I have a right to correct them haha

      Reply

  4. DC @ Young Adult Money says

    It’s incredible how quick just about EVERYONE is to judge others when it comes to money and what they spend it on. I like to spend my money on my house, primarily. I do what I can to resist judging others for how they prioritize their spending.

    Reply

  5. Thomas @ i need money ASAP! says

    Haha. Why would people think you’re lying about buying a house?!? I swear, some people seem to have too much time to think about this nonsense.

    We spend money on nice things. But they’re always quality things. Things that will last forever if properly cared for. Buying a house is definitely in that category.

    Reply

  6. [email protected] says

    I primarily like to spend our extra funds on our house and on vacations. I’m sure that many people think our travel is outrageous as well or that we should’ve bought a cheaper house. I don’t mind a little bit of judging- it comes with the territory!

    I don’t care what people spend their money on personally. What bothers me is when they blow all of their money on anything you’ve mentioned (cars, clothes, trips, etc.) then complain that they’re broke or have legitimate problems paying their bills. If people actually *have* the money to spend, then I’m all for it!!! =)

    Reply

  7. Amanda @ Passionately Simple Life says

    It’s so hard not to judge at times, and it definitely is all about catching myself at the beginning and saying we are all different. I have a big thing for handbags, and I know that is not everyone’s cup of tea. But knowing that if buying a cup of coffee everyday makes someone happy, then it should be done.

    Reply

  8. Laurie @thefrugalfarmer says

    Amazing to me that people have said you’re lying about owning your house!!! Although I’ve had a bit of that too, so I guess it really does exist. Regardless of what people think, we all have to live with our own spending decisions, and if we can live with them, that’s all that really matters. Everyone has their own definition of what value-based spending is. Can’t wait to hear about the wedding celebration! All said and done, I’ll bet you’ll be glad you planned the wedding of your dreams. 🙂

    Reply

  9. John @ Wise Dollar says

    Like you said in the beginning, I think it’s inevitable that on some level we’ll all be guilty of judging. Beyond the obvious ones, I try not to but I’m not perfect. 🙂 That said, it’s crazy how some go off because of how others spend their money. we like to spend money on travel and on things for our house when we do spend.

    Reply

  10. Kathy says

    I’ve heard people question “why should THEY be able to live in __________________(insert name of exclusive subdivision)?” My response is always why do you care if they aren’t asking you to make their mortgage payments? Too many people simply react out of jealousy. Hubby and I are planning on building a new house next year and I suspect we will get lots of comments about that. It does seem to be a no-no in the personal finance world.

    Reply

  11. Yvette says

    I don’t understand the reasoning behind why someone would judge someone else for buying a house. I would think that would be a better option than renting because one day you won’t have to make payments. I don’t think I normally judge others for what they spend money on except if they’re always borrowing money from me or complaining that they don’t have any money.

    I spend too much money on going out to eat. I know it. I have debt to pay and need to focus on paying that down as well. I would love to save enough to go on a really nice vacation ( We go on cheaper ones usually). I think they create good memories:) And that is priceless.

    Reply

    • Beth says

      I find it funny too. I usually get judged for NOT buying a house. There’s this misguided notion that you haven’t “made it” unless you own your own home. Some of my fellow Canadians think that because interest rates are low, it’s time to take on lots and lots of debt to buy something at an inflated price.

      I will buy a place, but right now it’s a smarter move to rent and invest the difference. My goal is to have a paid off home before retirement, so I’ll revisit this decision in another year or so.

      Reply

      • Michelle S. says

        I think there is nothing wrong with renting, especially since housing prices in Canada are so much more expensive than where I live. We bought our house for cheap and that’s why it was an easier decision.

        Reply

  13. StackingCash says

    ZOMG! Thank you so much for writing this. I feel like I am the only personal finance person who doesn’t condemn buying a nice car as long as it is “affordable.” I truly think people are just jealous. Like you say, everyone has different priorities, which puts the “personal” in personal finance. It is always a tough balance between saving and spending but as long as we continuously strive for it, we should be ok.

    Reply

  14. kammi says

    Travel and books. And if I have a project, supplies. I don’t buy ‘stuff’ though. And Yes, I will judge you if you tell me you have so much debt and life is depressing/unfair and whine all day and then make the most basic, stupid financial decisions or attribute other people’s successes (ie people who have been working hard and making sacrifices) to “dumb luck”. Or at least I’m allowed to roll my eyes to myself 🙂

    Reply

  15. Michael says

    It never ceases to amaze me the things people will judge others for. Just like you said, if you have the money, you’re not putting yourself into incredible debt, and it’s no illegal – WHO CARES!? I see nothing wrong with the fact that you guys bought 2 cars. A) I’m sure you guys weighed the risks, took interest and all of that into consideration, and ultimately decided it was doable, and B) it’s your money! Why work so hard and save it all when you can’y take it with you? People need to learn to live a little while still saving for other goals.

    Reply

  16. Dee @ Color Me Frugal says

    I try not to judge individual people so much, but I’ve definitely been guilty of being critical of society as a whole for placing too much emphasis on “stuff” and not enough emphasis on things like living a debt free life. You know, I honestly think that the individual people that I sometimes judge most are my family members- but mainly because I KNOW what their finances are like and in the case of people like my mother, I do have a small fear that her spending problems today are going to become my problems down the road when she runs out of money to live on. 🙁

    Reply

  17. cherie says

    For the most part I totally agree. The only time I get disgusted [and therefore am judging] folks is those who spend and then expect to be bailed out, by the bank, by the government, by their families and friends – and who have children who suffer the consequences of their poor choices. Otherwise I don’t care what matters enough to you to get your money, any more than I would judge someone’s tv choices sucking their time. I don’t watch more than a couple hours of tv a week at most – that’s MY choice – if you want to watch vampire diaries marathons – have a good time! Just don’t panic and ask me to help you finish the stuff you should’ve spent that time on!

    Reply

  18. J. Money says

    Hey!!! Don’t you knock my collecting of coins – I see what you’re doing over there 🙂

    Seriously though, great post. Haters gonna hate.

    Reply

  19. jefferson says

    You can spend your money however you want, Michelle..
    It’s yours, and don’t let anybody tell you otherwise!

    We got a lot of that when we ended up purchasing a bigger, nicer home after finishing our debt payoff… But I knew then (and have been proven right) that it was the right move for us..

    Let the hater’s hate..

    Reply

  20. Rebecca @ Stapler Confessions says

    I don’t judge how other people spend their money, but sometimes I scratch my head because I don’t understand why someone would want to spend their money on XYZ. Then again, we pay a pretty penny to live in a nice townhouse in an expensive area and we’ll move next year to an even more expensive town. So, let the judgers judge. I’m putting my money where my values are, and that’s all that matters to me.

    Reply

  21. E.M. says

    If we were in your position we’d probably buy a fun car, too. If I get a motorcycle some day, I’ll be happy! It’s all about the enjoyment factor. I’d rather see someone spend $25k on a car they will cherish, than $25k on useless stuff that doesn’t bring them happiness.

    Reply

  23. Tanner says

    Hard but good topic. I really try not to judge because honestly, people may not listen, and I shouldnt tell them how to live. However, it does bug me when people ask for “advice”, and lash out at anything that wasnt what they wanted to hear. Sometimes I feel bad, but all I can do is wish them good luck with whatever they’re getting into and move along.

    Reply

  24. Jacob says

    I’m all about people living their life. What irks me is the constant complaining without any plan to resolve their issues.

    I create budgets for people based on THEIR priorities, and I will help guide them towards those. But if they want to blow $400 a month on bars, I just show them on paper what the impact to their more important goals is. Some are fine with delaying goals for short-term spending, some cut down their budget to get to their goals faster.

    But I’m with you. Don’t judge what people do with their money, but show them what they COULD be doing. I like civil discussions, but don’t attack someone for their choices unless detrimental to their health or others….

    Reply

    • Michelle S. says

      I agree Jacob! However, if they can afford what they’re buying, then I think more people need to realize that different people enjoy different things.

      Reply

  25. Jason B says

    I could care less about what anyone else is spending their money on. People should only worry about themselves. I like to spend my money on trips.

    Reply

  26. Connie says

    I agree. It’s hard not to judge, especially when we blog about money, but I really have no right to judge anyone and vice versa. It’s my money and I can spend it however I like 🙂

    Reply

  27. Amy says

    I’m so glad you wrote this! I’m pretty new to the personal finance/debt repayment world, and although it’s a very supportive community, there can also be some judgement. (Of course, no one is immune to it – present company included!) I think I feel it mainly because although I’m focused on paying down debt, I’m not really approaching it in the Dave Ramsey/slash and burn way. I’m sacrificing to pay it down, but not all the way down to a strict rice-and-beans diet. Some people don’t understand this as a choice. I don’t think there’s only one way to go about it, though. If I’m willing to take a little longer to pay it down, so we’re not spending every last cent on debt repayment, others should be okay with that.

    As for judging others, I guess I judge a little on buying really expensive brand names; I just don’t see the point in paying lots of money to be a billboard for someone else. But to each his or her own, right? 🙂

    Reply

  28. Travis Chingo says

    Great article. This is something that I struggle with when prospecting new clients, because they think a Personal Finance Manager is going to get mad at them for spending money on things they like to spend money on. But I convey to them this is why we budget in a “Spending Fund”, or save up for a “Vacation Fund”, because being smart with money INCLUDES having fun!

    Reply

  29. Sarah says

    I defiantly judge. I try not too, but sometimes I know more than I should. Usually, because people run their mouths and I have a fair idea of what they make. Being a teacher our salary schedules are posted on the website (for the whole world to see) in a chart and you get paid based on the number of years of experience you have and whether you have a B.A. or an M.A. So we all have a fairly good idea of what everyone makes. I’m not going to lie, when I see my single (now ex-workers) friends blowing money on manicures and pedicures once a month and going out to bars every Friday, I do honestly wonder how they can afford it. Everyone has a rough idea of what everyone else makes and most of us/them don’t have second jobs, so it is hard not to judge and wonder when we see a co-worker come through with manicured fingers/toes, with Starbucks every morning, and trying to rally everyone out to the bars on a Friday night.

    Reply

  30. Kasia says

    I try not to judge though sometimes it’s hard not too especially when you’re familiar with the person’s financial circumstances. But in the end you should spend your money on whatever you want to.
    Buying a house at 20 is awesome. It makes you way ahead of the game and you won’t have to be paying off your mortgage till retirement as some people do if they start late. Well done to you.

    I like spending money and probably will never be really frugal but in the past few years I’ve started spending more on the things that matter to me, travel, triathlon, running gear, books, a new car, and shares.

    Being a personal finance blogger doesn’t have to mean frugality and living on less. There’s only so much you can cut back on. Earning more and enjoying what money can provide is not only normal but good for the economy and our sanity.

    Reply

  31. Hannah @ Wise Dollar says

    Buying a home at a very young age? Wow! I salute you. Best wishes on your wedding next weekend! Anyways, if I have money I would love to buy what I wanted, I don’t care what other people say. As a college student, I had bought this year an iPhone, which is my birthday wish last year, my family was not able to buy it for me so I saved my allowance and finally I got it. 🙂

    Reply

  32. anna says

    I think it’s silly when people judge, especially when someone has the means. You’re doing amazing consistently every year, so I don’t think your a PF fail at all!

    Reply

  33. Catherine says

    As long as you’re spending money you have already earned who cares!? Its the people who go into substantial debt for these things that makes me wonder…

    Reply

  34. femmefrugality says

    I think most of us write about PF because the end goal is to be able to afford those things we want. And like you said, what we all want is different. I think a lot of judgment is born from jealousy.

    Reply

  35. Cindy @ GrowingHerWorth says

    Cars are such a touchy personal finance topic! I do get a lot of judgement for having bought a new car. I love the “What makes you feel you need/deserve” comments! I thought long and hard before buying my car, ran all the numbers, and considered/tried a variety of other options. In the end, this was the best option for us, and not strictly financially speaking.

    That being said, I agree with the comment about judging complainers, or people living off the government or other people. Complaining about not being able to afford your life pretty much opens the door for others to express an opinion about what you should be doing differently.

    Reply

    • Michelle S. says

      I agree with everything you said Cindy. If you can afford it, then why not? However, if you have a ton of debt and obviously cannot afford it, I do wonder what’s going on.

      Reply

  36. Abigail says

    As long as you can afford it, I think buying a house young is great. You’ll be done with your mortgage that much sooner, and that extra money can go to retirement… or cars.

    My husband wants a Challenger, and I’m going to do my best to make sure that’s the next car we get. (By best, I mean our current car lasts another 4-5 years so we have a decent down payment.) Not because it’s flashy but because it’s something he’s wanted for awhile. (Well, at first it was a Mustang. Then the Challenger came out.) And he has had to make so many sacrifices for the sake of my knee-jerk frugality.

    It’s easy to feel judged and to judge. (See my post listed in the LinkLove below for a rant about that.) But you have to remember that there’s nothing to feel guilty about as long as you’ve a) thoroughly thought out your purchase and b) have planned for it.

    We spend too much money on fast food. That’s how I feel anyway, based on how much more money I want to save but also internalized judgment from others. But the thing is, both my husband and I have health conditions. We pick and choose our battles. And cooking is one we tend to forgo, for better or worse. I have to get over the cringe-factor of what everyone else thinks because it’s not their budget and it’s certainly not their money.

    Reply

  38. Lisa E. @ Lisa vs. the Loans says

    Hmm definitely some food for thought. As someone who writes/reads about personal finance stuff a lot, I tend to judge others way too harshly for how they spend their money when I’m over here still not making the best personal finance decisions for myself!

    Reply

  39. Jessica says

    I think it is hilarious to hear that some people think a finance blogger shouldn’t be spending “that kind of money.” What is the point of making good money and having a good understanding of finances if you can’t enjoy it? You’ve proven that you can handle finances and you aren’t in debt because of the choices you’ve made. To me that’s inspiring, not something to judge you over!

    Reply

  40. Kemkem says

    My mindset is if someone buys a Lamborghini for instance, l’m like “yeah..hopefully l’ll get to drive it”. I don’t care to judge. I do judge if they ever turn around and complain about being broke, otherwise live and let live. You beat me by 7 years on a house purchase! I think it’s commendable. Why would someone lie about owning a house? Weird people.. You can only please yourself, let the people judging suck eggs. I’m too busy enjoying my travels to care!!!

    Reply

  42. Free To Pursue says

    Judging is usually a result of not knowing a person’s whole story. When I feel I’m judging someone, when I really ask myself how I can decide what’s right for someone else, I usually realize that it’s because I know so little that passing judgement is easy. The more I know someone, the more difficult it is to judge or judge harshly.

    Favourite spending categories for me: travel, exercise equipment & sport event participation, and good food & wine.

    Reply

  43. Mr. Grump says

    To put it simply; nice house, decent cars, travel and sporting event tickets is exactly what everyone needs. Everyone else is just wrong or doesn’t know the good things in life. Like Kemkem said suck an egg if you disagree. Haha, just kidding. To bad we can’t all make a truce and stop the judging or the caring of what other people think. If your judging your the one losing.

    Reply

  44. Dee says

    I really enjoyed this post…because i agree with it…i’ve cut back on reading a lot of personal finance blogs because of the judgement of others, which i also see in daily life. I make choices which others would judge me for. Having said that i also make choices -being frugal, saving and having zero debt which means i CAN buy expensive things and i’ve been working quite hard on allowing myself to spend money in ways that improve my life. I pretend i drive a cheaper car if people ask me because i don’t want to be judged. But honestly, it’s one of the biggest joys of my life owning that car (i really love cars and always wanted this one) and i’m trying to allow myself to ease up a bit and not let the parts of life i enjoy pass me by because of fear.

    Reply

    • Michelle S. says

      Yes, I actually received some flack for writing this post. People have said that I’m a bad personal finance blogger for not judging people on their spending! 🙁

      Reply

  45. DNN says

    The good thing about the internet is anyone can escape being broke and in heavy personal debt and become a “side hustle millionaire,” regardless who’s against their success. As long as you have a willing mind to move forward, you can be a [side hustle millionaire] regardless. 🙂

    Reply

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