In July, I published a post about bad financial habits. One of my top bad financial habits happens to be letting money control my life. I know that a lot of you consider this a bad habit of yours as well, as a ton of you said that you had the same habit.
I am very guilty of letting money control my life. Everyone knows this, and I probably have the label of “The Biggest Worrier in Personal Finance.” Letting money control my life is a big part of my life that I do not like. I let money control me in that I think about money before I think about my health. I am working a ton of hours every week, when I should be thinking about my health and enjoying life.
I also calculate our financial goals all day long it seems like. I am always afraid that we will fall behind with a financial goal, and I will let it eat me alive. Fact is that we are doing good, so why do I let everything bother me so much?
I keep a huge buffer in our checking account because I am afraid that I will forget about an expense. This is definitely not good because this means that I am earning around 0% interest when I could be investing this money instead.
Money also controls me in that I’ve always worked a ton of hours. Ever since I was a preteen, I have been working. I feel like I’ve never stopped. While I am extremely happy with my life, I do need to step back and enjoy life a little more.
Right now I am working a ton. And WHY?! Well, because I am afraid that something will happen. I think I learned this from both of my parents. My dad was always all about saving money, whereas my mom has always had money issues. My dad was good with money but always checked his accounts. I even remember him balancing his checkbook all the time when I was younger.
Since my mom has never been good with money, I never want to be in her place. I want to control my finances and not have to worry about whether or not I can ever retire.
Life should not be all about money. We have a high level of income and a low amount of expenses. Why should money bother us? I guess I am afraid of falling back into bad habits, our income falling and everything going downhill. BUT WHAT’S THE CHANCE OF THAT HAPPENING MICHELLE?
Maybe I need to start working on being more optimistic. That’s the root for a lot of this.
My plan to stop letting money control me:
I need to stop calculating our money and finances everyday.
What does this even help? It just makes me think about our finances even more and takes up time when I could be doing something else. We are doing great with our finances, so why do I let the smallest things bother me? Who cares if we are a couple of dollars away from our financial goal for the month?
Life doesn’t follow a plan. Not all goals will be met. I also need to be more realistic with goals.
Be happy with where we are.
We are doing good. I need to be happy, because not everyone is where we are with our finances. I’m always comparing myself to others, and I need to stop doing that. I also need to stop working so much because there’s only so much money that you can make before life just wastes away before you.
I don’t need things to make me happy.
Yes, we do spend money. I’m definitely not a minimalist. However, I want to be more frugal with our money and enjoy other things in life, such as going camping, hiking, kayaking and so on. I prefer experiences over material items.
Rewarding ourselves is important.
Since I’m always thinking about money, I don’t reward myself too often. And when I do buy things for myself, I tend to over-think it to the point where I no longer enjoy what I bought.
This comment that I received on my Bad Financial Habits post pretty much sums everything up. We all need to enjoy life!:
Do you let money control your life? How so? Why?
P.S I’m leaving for New Orleans tonight. WOOHOOO! Life is good. Don’t let this negative sounding post make you think that I’m not happy. Because I am 🙂
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eemusings says
YES. I love this post. When things were tough (recession hit, T got laid off, I was still studying) thinking about money all the time simply made me depressed. Fact was, there was only so much we could do, and dwelling on the negatives was not helping.
You’re right that life doesn’t follow a plan, so while we can plan for the worst, we also need to enjoy NOW.
Michelle says
Yes! You worded it perfectly. Dwelling on the negatives never helps.
The Norwegian Girl says
I definitely let money control me, mostly because I´ve always had limited amounts of money and I live in a very expensive city. Luckily I just got a part time job, which will let me relax a bit more, when combined with my student grants. But I do worry about not being able to save as much money as I would like too. We´re getting tired of renting, so we would love to have our own place; but times are tough, and the real estate market is so high up, making things seem unreachable. Oh, well, I guess we just have to wait and try to save what we can in the meantime.
Have a great vacation in New Orleans! Sounds amazing!:-)
Michelle says
Yes, it’s hard to not think about money, especially when you live in an expensive city. Luckily where we live it is super cheap.
Taynia @ The Fiscal Flamingo says
One unexpected benefit to taking a year off work – my all consuming nature about money has subsided. I still balance my checkbook regularly to “check” myself, I still coupon and I still balance my budget. But it’s not a daily presence. It’s a relief. Have a great great time in New Orleans.
Michelle says
That is awesome! I would definitely like it to not be a daily presence.
GamingYourFinances says
Over the past few years we’ve become way more comfortable with our finances. At first we were just like you Michelle, calculating goals, making plans etc. But over time, with experience, and after creating a solid savings and investment plan, we’re not as intense about our personal finances. Now we just do one major check-in every 4 months. If things are on track then no need to worry!
Michelle says
That is awesome! I hope that someday I can do a check in just once every 4 months.
Holly@ClubThrifty says
I try not to let money control me but I know that I do. I think it’s a delicate balance between being cognizant of your family financial state while being willing to let it go somewhat and just live.
Michelle says
Yes, you said that perfectly!
Leslie Beslie says
I’ve written about this a lot lately and it comes down to gaining the confidence that you are financially responsible enough to not have to micro-manage your finances!
To try to help with this I’ve given myself some challenges of limiting how often I update my budget or check my online bank accounts. Currently, I only let myself check on Mondays. I am aware enough of my spending throughout the week to know what bills will be going through and how much I have in the account. I’ve realized that by the next Monday, my estimations have been pretty spot on!
Not neurotically checking everything and realizing that I am financially responsible has helped my stress-levels a lot!
Michelle says
Yes, I definitely need to gain confidence in our finances. I micro-manage so much! I hope that someday soon I could check my accounts less than I do. Right now it’s at least once a day!
C. the Romanian says
I totally agree: you should be very happy with where you are and understand that you’re doing great! Checking your finances and goals every day does not help at all (at most, it sees you waste precious time that could be invested in making more money :P).
I have just started to care about this financing thing and budgeting and setting goals and indeed at first I became really obsessed with it, but fortunately it didn’t turn into a real obsession. If you have a good plan, just stick to it and check every now and then to make sure you’re on track. That’s enough.
Michelle says
Yes, I am wasting so much time!
Mark Ross says
I never thought my comment would be mentioned on this one. Well, I think your plan could work out well if you happen to follow it. Good luck on that and maybe I’ll do some of those too myself.
Michelle says
Thank you for commenting! 🙂 I’m glad that I could include your comment in my post today, as it fit perfectly.
Michelle says
Yes! I’m the same way. I want to reach everything more quickly, but I really just need to slow down.
Tara @ Streets Ahead Living says
I too can get obsessed with money and I think in my case, it’s partly because of OCD. My loan debt makes me paranoid and I obsess about paying it off. Sometimes I just have to take breaks though, and just go outside or something! It’s not like I’m going to have it paid off tomorrow so there’s no sense in stressing about it.
Good luck with working on not focusing on money. You can do it!
Michelle says
Yes, it is part obsession for me as well.
Alexa says
I think about money a lot too. But a big part of this is because I don’t make much money. As soon as my income increases to a comfortable level and I fully fund my emergency savings I think I will stop worrying so much.
Michelle says
I think that’s how I feel as well. Right now our EF is at a lower level than I usually like because I drained it to pay off student loans.
The Warrior says
Mrs. Warrior is a worrywart as well.
When it comes to finances, I let myself critique my actions for a few minutes, see how I can take action to fix accordingly, act upon that, then let it be. I know this isn’t something that can “just be done”, but the more I step away from the stress, I realize it is only stressful because I allow it to be.
By the way, Mrs. Warrior is, slowly, learning this practice. 😉
The Warrior
NetWorthWarrior.com
Michelle says
I need to just let it be! 🙂
Done by Forty says
Yeah, this is a common problem in the personal finance community. Some days I’m on top of it, other days it’s on top of me. I’m doing better lately about not really paying too much attention to the minutia…I only update the budget’s expenses once a week or 10 days, which is a big improvement for me. On the other hand, I do spend a couple hours daily reading personal finance blogs, and it’s possible that’s providing my fix, so to speak!
Michelle says
Haha yes it probably is a common problem in the PF community.
Mr. Utopia @ Personal Finance Utopia says
“I need to stop calculating our money and finances everyday.”
Hey, Michelle – regarding this goal perhaps you should take a few minutes to put together a cost/benefit analysis. In other words, figure out the opportunity cost of the time you spend making these calculations and then match that against the benefit. It doesn’t sound like the benefit is all that much. Next time you find yourself opening up a spreadsheet to start tallying things up, realize your time could be better spent working on your side hustles, exercising, etc. Put it on paper if you have to to remind yourself. It sounds silly, but it might help fight the “addiction.”
Michelle says
Yes, this is something that I definitely need to start doing!
Budget and the Beach says
I love what Jim said in his comment. I agree I worry about FOR you as well. Not because of your money, but because how much you worry. Just a question for you: Is if possible you’re just not ready for freelancing? Because it doesn’t get EASIER when you do freelance, in fact you will think about money A LOT more than you are now. Just something you might want to ask yourself. I think the only reason I don’t want you to worry is because I’ve been through some hellish times as a freelancer because I never had a plan or education on it…no one to guide me. But now I know better and am making a tiny fraction of what you are and I guess beau of the hard times I know I can pretty much make it through anything. And you can too. Not that you want to, but you will.
But probably my biggest regret, and the regret of a lot of people “my age” and older, is that we spent so much of our 20’s and 30’s worrying about stuff that never came true. It may not affect your health now, but it WILL when you get older. High blood pressure, heart problems, insomnia, etc. All catch up with you if you don’t learn how to let go and relax more.
I totally can see WHY you worry so much with your background growing up. I became a bit of a hypochondriac because of how my mom never took care of her health growing up so I thought I was doomed to live a life of healthy problems. That’s my demon, and something I have to fight constantly.
I’m glad you are starting to recognize yours and hope you can find a way to get past it. 🙂
Michelle says
Thank you for your comment! I’ve always been a worrier, and I worry about everything. It is an annoying habit of mine.
Lauren says
Definitely guilty of thinking, worrying, and stressing about money most of the time. It’s tough because when you’re working on financial goals, you want to stay focused, but it can quickly get to the point where you can’t even relax because that’s all you think about! Good thing that you recognize it though, and now you can try to “chill” more often 🙂
Michelle says
Yup you are right!
Kyle @ Debt Free Diaries says
How are we not related? I feel like you’ve just described my entire life in this post, down to details about starting work at a young age, and my parents! (Except my mom was the saver, while my dad had more troubles). I think my biggest worry about money isn’t that we’ll fall behind (although I’m super guilty about worrying about this too) it’s actually that something will happen to me and I won’t be able to produce at the level I am now. Since so much of our income is tied into me working, I don’t know what would happen if that were to change. This is why Leslie and I are focusing super hard on building a passive income right now. If something happens to me, I want to make sure she is still taken care of from month to month.
Michelle says
Yes, this is why we want to start working on passive income as well!
Lauren @Cheapstudents.ca says
It’s hard to not let money control your life, but I guess it all depends on your financial situation at the moment. If money is tight your more likely to think about it, a little more room to breathe any you might loosen up a bit. Thinking about it all the time no matter what your financial situation is though isn’t very good for your sanity by any means. Really liked this post though, really made me think that I should do a weekly “check-in” to make sure everything is going well but not focus on the finances all the time. It’s difficult and will become more difficult once I’m back at school since I will pinching pennies for sure.
Michelle says
Thank you for stopping by! 🙂 It is definitely hard to not let money control your life, especially when you’re a PF blogger.
Grayson @ Debt Roundup says
This is something that I am going to be working on. I have let money and finances control my life every since I started my debt payoff back in 2008. It is constantly on my mind, but does it need to be? No! I want to focus more on life and less on money.
Michelle says
I want to focus more on life as well!
Lisa E. @ Lisa Vs. The Loans says
I used to check my budget excel sheet and bank account balances multiple times a day! But once I got into the hang of paying my bills on time, I realized I needed to let go of being obsessed with my budget. It’s definitely hard to “let go” in that sense, but you’re also letting go of the control that money has over you.
Great post Michelle! Have fun in New Orleans!
Michelle says
Yes, I definitely check mine multiple times a day. It’s like an addiction!
Kasey @ Debt Perception says
I’m a mixed bag. I feel like money controls my life because every penny I make goes towards paying off debt. At the same time I’m able to live comfortably off my husband’s income and I have family who can help share the cost of a vacation to visit them.
Have a great trip!
Michelle says
Debt can definitely make a person feel like they are not in control.
Michelle says
That’s great! 🙂
Nick (@ayoungpro) says
Money still controls my life much more than I want it to. I’m trying to address that by building up more “passive” income streams. Have fun in New Orleans!
Michelle says
Thanks Nick!
Girl Meets Debt says
Well at least you KNOW you have earned the title of “The Biggest Worrier in Personal Finance.” 😉 Sounds like you have a good plan on trying to not let money control your life as much. Good luck!
Michelle says
Thanks!
Lisa @ Cents To Save says
I worry less about money now, but that is only because of a generous inheritance. But there are times now as we go through each month, I still feel like I have no control over my money.
Trying to do better. 🙂
Michelle says
I’m trying to do better as well. Thanks for stopping by Lisa.
CeCe @Pink Sunshine says
I used to be paralyzed by fear when it came to money and finances. It absolutely controlled me in every way from what I ate, what I wore and what I did. Part of it was being a single gal. I had no one to depend on but me and I didn’t make a lot of money. I HAD to be careful. My husband has been great for me. We balance each other out. I have learned to let go a little and not have a panic attack after shopping. Actually, now maybe I could use one every now and then to reign it in! We need to enjoy and take delight in what we have. You can’t take it with you! That’s what everyone tells me.
Michelle says
We balance each other out well as well. If it weren’t for W then I would probably never have fun!
E.M. says
To a point, I do, and for the same reasons you cited. My parents struggled a lot when I was younger, and they continued to struggle until they finally sold the house, profited, and moved to a lower cost of living area. Now they have a decent amount in the bank, will be paying off half their debt, and will hopefully enjoy themselves. But there were just too many close calls because they couldn’t keep enough in the bank. When the AC broke, heater broke, car broke down, etc it was always a huge episode because they didn’t know how they would afford it. I just don’t want to put myself in that situation, ever.
Michelle says
I don’t ever want to be in that situation ever!
fiscally fit says
I am not sure, but I might get crucified for saying this… haha… but I whole heartedly believe in making more money instead of spending less. I believe in responsible spending and living within my means…. but I would rather have my fancy coffee everyday and simply earn more income. There is a fine line but I didn’t tag my blog with “work smarter, not harder” for nothing. For me I don’t let the cost of a $4 coffee control my life. The value I get from that $4 far exceeds the cost.
Michelle says
I think most personal finance bloggers (including myself) believe in making more money instead of spending less, so no worries! 🙂
Eva @ Girl Counting Pennies says
There’s my little avatar with my first comment on your website! 🙂
I think you’re right when you said you needed to be more positive. Worrying too much is not a good thing. For some reason, I believe in the law of attraction. What we think, we attract. Don’t waste your energy on worrying too much, it’s exhausting and really, there’s no point. What is meant to be, will be 🙂 Enjoy New Orleans, have some fun, spend some cash and don’t feel bad about it. What’s the point in earning all this money, if you can’t enjoy some of it?! xo
Michelle says
Thanks Eva!
Michelle says
You are right! 🙂
Michelle says
Thanks Anna!
Todd @ Fearless Men says
If there’s anything I agree with, it’s that you can’t let money consume your mind and you should reward yourself. A lot of PF blogs encourage us to live like scavengers! No way, I don’t want any of that!
Michelle says
I don’t want to live like a scavenger either! 🙂
kelly @stayingonbudget says
Agree totally with things don’t make us happy. I would love to travel more–which is why I am trying to get out of debt. I do need to stop looking at my budget everyday and focus more on getting out of debt and enjoying the moment!
Michelle says
Yup, same here! 🙂
Laurie @thefrugalfarmer says
Michelle, I think it’s terrific that you realize there’s a problem here, first of all. Second of all, you are working on doing something about it. If fear is the problem, and it sounds like it is, no amount of money will ever, ever make you feel secure. This is why, like Jim mentioned, you’ve got to find another source of trust. For me, that is God, because I know I can’t trust in myself because I am just as vulnerable to failure and mistakes. You have to find your own other source of trust that works best for you. Maybe it would help to to assess your fears more a little bit too, as it sounds like they are not realistic given your monetary situation. When I struggle with fear, I always play the “what’s the worst that can happen” game. It helps me to know that even if we did lose our house and everything else, we’d still have someplace to live and food to eat, and it would all work out as long as we were committed to working at it. And I think it’s good to remember that you will never end up broke because you’ve chosen to manage your money differently than what your mom does. She made her choices and you make yours and they are different than hers, more responsible choices it sounds like. You can do this girl! Now go and have a great time in New Orleans! 🙂
Ann says
I have definitely been in your position at times where I have obsessed over my budget and my finances. I think that there has to be some sort of happy middle for me. I can’t completely ignore my budget, but I also need to not let myself get so fixated on it that it rules my life. At the end of the day, your budget is supposed to help you worry less and live a better life, so if its not serving that purpose that’s when I reconsider.
http://fastlanetofinancialfreedom.blogspot.com/
Dear Debt says
You are definitely not alone! I think about money all the time, and I would love just one day to not think about money. You are doing very well and I think just having the perspective that we are very privileged in some ways compared to others really helps.
DC @ Young Adult Money says
Great post, Michelle! I also have been guilty of letting money control me, and I also check my various accounts far too often. My blog is a good analogy. Ever since I stopped checking the stats every day (or even every week) I have been far more happy with my site and when I do check it the trend has continued to go upwards so why would I want to check it daily? It makes more sense to focus on the things that matter.
Matt Becker says
Have fun in NOLA! I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with wanting to work a lot, or with having and checking in on goals. The key point is to make sure that what you’re doing is making you happy. If it is, then great! But it sounds like for you, you’re doing it not so much for happiness as you are out of fear. I think we all struggle with that in different ways, so you’re definitely not alone. But trying to learn how to live out of joy instead is definitely a worthy pursuit.
Alicia / Jaybird: Home in Motion says
I so easily fall into the trap of calculating financial decisions all day…unfortunately I’m not as proactive as you are, and often that’s where my financial efforts cease! I’m great at building a budget, making a spreadsheet, and tracking it for a month…then kaput. I had a good handle on my average expenses and was regularly socking away money for savings, but then I moved and my expenses have dramatically shifted. I’m hoping to take a chill pill, wait out the first 2-3 months, and get a better sense of where I can spend and save more effectively–without becoming obsessed!
Little House says
I’m constantly crunching numbers and reworking our budget, but I think it’s because our expenses are high and our income is moderate and variable. Any fluctuation of income in a downward movement means we’re scrambling to pay bills – not a great situation to be in – so, yes, money controls our life but it’s getting better.
Kris says
That end comment is exactly what my husband tells me when I tell him about people who retired when they’re 35. “I don’t want to retire when I’m 35 if I have to live like that,” he says. Not that we are overly indulgent – no cable, one car, public transportation, etc., but the things we enjoy shouldn’t be a guilt trip. Like going to Red Robin and getting a beer. Why is that a guilt trip? Spending (gasp!) $50 on dinner. Buying wine that’s over $20 a bottle. If that’s what we enjoy, why not? We don’t shop, don’t gamble, don’t spend money on entertainment. I have to constantly remind myself of that, because I can feel the eye roll from him when I start worrying about buying a coffee from Starbucks.
Shannon @The Heavy Purse says
Money holds such power over us. There have definitely been times where I’ve struggled to not let it rule my life too. My dad was instrumental in helping regain control as a teenager and when I find myself losing control as an adult, I remember what he taught me. You’ve accomplished so much, Michelle – never, ever forget that!!
jacob | iHeartBudgets says
One thing that rocked my world was the idea of stewardship. As a Christian, the idea that money is not my own, but I’m God’s financial account manager took a lot of the pressure off, and allowed me to make wise decisions without all the overwhelming worry. I totally hear you on worrying about all the “what if’s”, but that can really drain you, and it doesn’t really help in the end. Great work on taking some steps toward a more worry free financial life! 🙂
maria@moneyprinciple says
Michelle, a long time ago when I was to live on my own for the first time (went to university) my mum told me that she has only one piece of advice to give: learn to control money because otherwise it will control you. It took me couple of decades to comprehend what she meant but now I know; money doesn’t control my live it nourishes it!
Michelle says
It’s funny how the habits of our parents affect our habits. My mom is an amazing worker…however, she hasn’t been good about putting herself first. She pays everything on time, has basically no debts. I am concerned about her retirement but I have to be relaxed and create a plan. I think that right now I AM very money focused and am fighting hard to stay mentally balanced. Will see how it goes.
Thomas says
Been there and dont want to go there again. I wouldn’t say money is controlling me at this point while others would say slow down. I have time on my hands the i would normally waste so now I make sure I get opportunities going to make sure I can relax in a few months. I think fear is what controls us. Money tends to make certain things in life a lot easier and lack of makes things harder. You should have fun! Work hard play hard. You only get one life make the most of it.
Retired By 40 says
I am guilty of this! I am a worrier by nature, which means that the checkbook is reconciled at least once a day, if not twice! I have trouble relinquishing control of the bill paying even!
I am working on it, though. Getting a handle on our finances – not living paycheck to paycheck – was the first step. Now that I know we will not be overdrawn it is getting easier 🙂
Brenda says
I can’t remember when I started letting money control my life. I guess it was when I was 15 and my family moved. I was “in love” with a boy and liked to talk to him everyday. Well, when we moved, it was now a long distance call to call him (this was before cell phones). I starting working so I could pay the phone bill. Now 28 years later I no longer want to give up my life to money. I am taking it back.