My Money Obsession/Confession

Over at The Random Path, Mackenzie made a blog post about obsessing over money too much. I feel the exact same way, and sometimes (ok all the time), I wonder if this is healthy.

I’m constantly adding everything up, looking at my monthly cash flow in my bank account and so on. I don’t know why I continually do this. Maybe the number will magically change from the amount that I’ve already calculated 5,000 other times?

The truth is, I’m wasting my time doing this. I’m also driving myself insane. The numbers will not change and all I can do is do active things that will change it. I need to stop adding and seeing where things “might” be if I do this or this, I need to start being more realistic.

I also need to stop worrying. I’m a constant worrier over our money and cash flows. I’m terrified of bouncing a bill (even though we NEVER have). I keep a very big cushion in my account, as to where it would be impossible to bounce anything.

Yet it still crosses my mind everyday. Another reason why this bugs me is because instead of worrying, this money cushion could be put in savings or retirement and be earning interest instead. Yet it’s just sitting in my checking account and earning nothing.

Another truth is that I know I’m doing ok, but it’s still eating away at me. I’m terrified of the unknown and not being prepared for something. I know that I have enough money, but the OCD in me has me constantly checking and thinking about it.

Sometimes I feel like it’s eating away at me. There is nothing that I can do to change the way I’m adding it up, so what’s the point!?

See Debt Run (not sure if it was Jefferson or Michelle) also said something similar to how I feel. Sometimes I feel very good about the amount of money and how our budget is doing, but then it feels like it one split second, those feelings change and I can feel horrible.

It’s not that I feel like I’m doing horrible with money (I’m not doing the greatest either though), it’s just that I’m full of regret with every purchase. Did I really need that dress? (P.S. I bought 2 dresses on Tuesday, so I’m full of regret over that right now).

But then on some days I feel like I deserve things. And then of course moments later I am full of regret again. Does anyone else feel this way? It drives me nuts!

Oh yeah, and this will probably make me sound crazy, but I often calculate my net worth and how much I’ll save months from now. Like in depth with my budgets for months forever from now, just to see if I’m on track. This will take up hours of my time. And this is what is eating at me. I need to stop doing this and realize that I’m doing the best that I can.