I don’t talk too much about the BF on my blog, but I’d like to. A lot of you said that you don’t mind that I blog anonymously, but that you’d love it if I shared more information about my life. I’ve never really said too much about the BF, I just tend to throw those letters around, but none of you really know anything about him. So you guys are lucky, today you will learn about him and how we handle our money.
A little information about the BF:
- The picture above is of him when we went to San Juan last year
- He’ll be 23 in about 2 weeks (does anyone have any present ideas for him?)
- He has a new habit pretty much everyday. And he’s obsessive about them. Whether it’s cars, guns, motorcycles, he goes absolutely insane and will read everything about it until I want to run away
- Before last year, he had NEVER been on an airplane, but I definitely changed that last year once I had time for vacations
- He comes from a GREAT family, and his family is the best thing ever
- He’s very clean
- He’s a workout maniac
- He loves to drink tons of milk and it makes me want to barf
- I tend to talk in my sleep (and it tends to scare him) and he will have long conversations with me because he thinks it’s hilarious
- He eventually wants to graduate and have a career with something involving the environment and scientific sustainability research
- Hmmm I’m obviously horrible at describing him so now I will resort to the physical (since I obviously don’t show pictures yet, I will describe him). He’s around 6’1″, blonde hair, blue eyes (can’t tell in the picture of course).
Now for some information about our relationship. We’ve been together almost 6 years, and we’ve lived together for almost 5 years. Yes, that means that we moved in together right after high school. We’ve lived in a total of 4 places (I think, I might be forgetting) and we bought our house at the age of 20.
Most would say that we’re crazy. But it worked for us. We also have joint accounts (nothing is separate). This doesn’t bother me though. After all of the problems that money brought in my family, I guess that caused me to not to get upset about money and relationships. And yes, most people will say that we are crazy since we live like this and are not married, but it doesn’t bother me (mainly because I don’t see how being married or not really affects us). This mainly has to do with the way I saw my parent’s marriage shrivel up as I grew up. I hope I don’t offend anyone with my thoughts above.
I’ve made a post on this before, but how does everyone else handle their finances? Joint accounts, separate, separate and joint? What do you think would work best for you? Tell me!
This leads me to the next little fact about us: Our lives are kind of similar to Erika’s. I also have a bigger salary than the BF, and because of the field I’m in, I most likely always will. I don’t see anything wrong with this. And I don’t understand why some people do think there is something wrong with this. We actually have had some people criticize him/us for that. Do you make more than your significant other? What do you think?
We are not married, we’re not in a rush for that and don’t want to go into debt for a wedding. We do plan on doing that soon (I know, not romantic since we’ve talked about it). Now don’t get me wrong, I definitely want to get married, but with school and work, I don’t have time to plan a wedding. I actually cannot wait until I can plan my own wedding. I’m having a blast planning my friends wedding. She similar to me and my BF. They’ve been together for 12 years (since they were 14, and yes they are high school sweethearts too), but because of schooling, she has her PhD from an Ivy League school, and so does he, so they never had time until now to get married. Looks like we’ll be on the same path as them 🙂
We’re high school sweethearts (Awwww right?) and I love him a whole lot of course. He’s very wonderful and we have a blast together. He’s someone that I can complain to (even though I know he’s not always listening), he listens about problems with my mom, he is actually nice to my mom, he was there for me when my dad passed, he’s my best friend!
Well, that’s all I can think of for now. Do you have any questions for me?
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Trish says
I live with my boyfriend too. He's an engineer but lost his job so he's working at a lower-paying job right now to make ends meet. So that means I make more than him, for the moment. It's never been an issue for us and so far no one has brought it up, but if they did, I'd certainly have some choice words for them! He works ridiculously hard so we can have two incomes and it doesn't matter that it's less than what I make. As for finances, shortly after moving in together we combined everything, but also kept two individual accounts. That's where our 'me' money goes. We don't have to answer to the other person about that money. It's just ours to do what we want with. That system has worked out great for us.
Michelle P says
Our system is very similar to yours!
House of Sykes says
All of our accounts are joint except for our one credit card each. We keep these cards for surprises and Christmas gift buying. We never keep a balance on them from month to month, as we have no credit card debt. We each have a monthly allowance. He handles all of the finances/bookkeeping while keeping me in the loop on everything. Our system has worked really well since we combined our accounts in January 2010!
Michelle P says
I have 2 credit cards, and he has one. We use them for mostly the same reason also, surprises.
Lane R says
We have joint accounts. If we had separate accounts I don't think we would save any money and it would be awkward figuring out who pays what. I don't understand married couples who have separate accounts and split bills, seems like too much work to me. I trust my husband with our money and we discuss every purchase before we make it.
Michelle P says
I agree! I trust him and he trusts me.
Taylor says
My parents have separate accounts, but my DH and I have joint. This makes my mom nervous, but that's because of her own man/money issues from earlier in her life. When we got married, we chose his as our 'joint account'. I kept mine, but I barely use it. We each have Credit Cards that the other doesn't have access to, but some days I wish I could get in there and track his visa (mostly for the sake of trying to pay down his huge cc debt that was there before I met him).
Michelle P says
Luckily, I can track the BF's credit card (unless he tells me that he bought me a present).
Bethany says
I LOVE YOU!That's all.:)
Michelle P says
Thanks!
Dwell in possibility says
My story is like Taylor's. My parents have separate accounts, but my husband and I have joint accounts. I don't worry about him absconding with the dough since he's a little clueless about our money. We dated for four years, and we never had joint accounts then. I wouldn't have joint accounts or a house with someone I wasn't married to. In my opinion and experience, this is a very, very bad idea but to each their own.-Rhonda
Michelle P says
Thanks for your opinion. I guess I just grew up with my parents having a really bad marriage, so I'm not in a rush. I also don't see how getting married would change how we feel about one another, but like I said, that's because of the way I was raised. I know I'm weird for thinking this (all of my friends tell me).
Dwell in possibility says
No, I'm not saying you should get married. I don't think you should at such a young age. My point was that I wouldn't mix finances with someone I wasn't married to.
Sarah Kate says
That is so sweet that you are high school sweethearts and have been together for 6 years! That's amazing! :o) I love hearing stories like that.We are really conservative with our money, too. My husband's parents went bankrupt when he was in HS and it was really hard on him, seeing the family go thru that, so now we're really careful. We have a joint checking account (no savings yet, but we're working on it!) and neither of us have credit cards. I like having the joint account b/c then we both always know exactly what we have as a family. It works for us, but I've seen other couples and families do just fine with separate accounts, too!
Michelle P says
Thanks!And we're very similar to you.
lo @ crazy ever afte says
My husband and I make similar salaries. We have access to both each other's accounts but split up the bills between us. We think we'll go joint completely someday, but we got married in our late 20s and this seems to work for us for now. As for marriage…I think it is piece of paper. We had a beautiful wedding and it was so wonderful to celebrate with our family and friends, but a wedding doesn't make the couple, and nor does marriage. The way you live your life, respect each other's character, and encourage one another does. I don't feel any more different today then I did before I married Jesse. Just a little more in debt (eeek!).
The Borrower says
First of all, you did a great job describing your BF. Second, I don't think you are crazy at all – I have good friends that did this and are still together today and madly in-love as well. We, my husband and I, have always had joint accounts. Even before we were married. It was just easier when we started co-habitating and he did not want anything to do with the finances. I still have to throw things at him to get him involved. One of my greatest fears is death…how will he manage without me if he doesn't know where we are today???
Michelle P says
I know what you mean. I handle all of the finances, so if something happened to me, I don't know what he'd do.
Anonymous says
Hey hey…….we have one joint account and our separate accounts only because we started our married life in two different cities and it was easier this way. That being said it was easy to hide debt from him at the start. Now we have joint accounts, two separate accounts but one common vision and goal. :)Do what works for you both!!!! Obviously you know that this is all that matters, today and all the years of your life. I married younger at 23 and people thought we're nuts. We bought a house at 23 and paid it off last year at 30. We have no consumer debt or any debt at all after all that and 2 kids later.I commend your goals and aligned efforts. Very wise at your age. I grew up in a house that always had money but spent it. We never ran into any trouble only because my parents had never been layed off I can't imagine if this wasn't the case.I make more than my dh. I always have and I always will. But I shop more, he saves more. I push us to take risks (like building our current home at a great spot in the real estate market) but he'll focus super hard on paying it off. you can't build for what be bought it for and now we have no mortgage. He'll wake up Jan 1 and put in a lump sum payment but I have negotiated % off at the bank and have bartered nearly everything in our home to get a cheaper price.The moral of the story is who makes slightly more isn't an important detail. Each of us bring strengths to the mix and look at what we've achieved as a team!It's been nearly 2 years since we've paid off that mortgage and have over $500K stashed in the bank as liquid cash. We earn good incomes but not great incomes. We work hard 5 days a week but when we come home we hang our hats at the door and it's all about kids and family. We have 2 amazing little girls and we have no family in this city to help us support them. From day 1 we were on our own.but look at how far we've come! 🙂 Keep up the great work!
Michelle P says
Thanks so much!
shoppingtosaving says
Sounds exactly like me and the BF except we will do the joint accounts thing when we get married. It's just easier that we have separate stuff right now but once we buy a place together we will probably join at least one account. He knows everything about my finances and I know his. We have been together for over 6 years and have been living together since our first year together in college. I don't regret it and I am not in a rush to get married. We are actually saving money for that for later.Also BF is 7 years older than me 🙂
Michelle P says
I think it's much easier to have it all in one pot once you have a house. But that's just me.
Live Simply- Live We says
We have gone through times where I made more than my husband, but now he makes way more than I do. I think it does not matter as long as it's viewed as a team effort, not a competition.
Sarah says
Aw I love how you're letting us all in a little more to the life of Michelle 🙂 Your bf sounds like a fun guy! I never flew on a plane until I was 23 and I definitely had to have some xanex with me…hahaSince I'm not in a relationship I only have my account obviously….but when I do get married I want to have a joint account. Mainly because that's how I grew up and it's worked out for my parents. Thanks for sharing!! xoxo
Stephanie @ Blonde H says
Oh I loved reading all about your story! It sounds like y'all have an amazing relationsihp that is extremely strong! That's awesome!!!!!My hubs and I make about the same… but month to month I make more because a lot of his money comes from bonuses. We have a joint account and we do our budget together. It is very stressful, but we are now getting on track. Now that we both do it, it's actually starting to get a little fun (I used to do it by myself and get super stressed about it).Hope you have a great day! XOXO
Aubrey Rose says
We are so similar!We have been together since Jr year of high school, I work full time and he goes to school full time, and it works for us.I hate when people judge the way we live.We also have joint accounts, its just easier that way, and one day we will get married, just when we can afford it.
Hannah says
Michelle!! I love hearing more about you (even though I completely understand the anonymous blogging)! But we are even more alike than I thought. I make more right now than my bf (finance, of course) and I'm not sure if it will be like that forever or not. But I love working so it doesn't really bother me. We have separate accounts but basically what's his is mine and what's mine is his other than when we have personal expenses. Also, we are college sweethearts living together unmarried and we have had many a scoff and comment from people (mostly elderly) and we too, have talked about marraige but realize we can't afford the wedding we would want to have right now, so why not wait until we can? You only (well hopefully) have a wedding once in your life! Its so nice to be able to relate to someone with these things :).
Amanda says
Thanks for sharing about the BF! It was also really interesting to learn about how YOUNG you were in buying your house, but also how strong you are as a person to ignore whether people thing you are crazy. I think it's interesting that you have joint accounts, but I don't think I want that when M moves in. Maybe we'll get a joint account, but still keep our individual accoutns. We'll see 🙂
Holly says
So cool to read more about your BF! He seems like a fun guy! My husband and I have been married for almost 6 months and we still have separate accounts. We do have one joint account together which is where each of us puts a certain amount of money per month for the mortgage, utilities and related expenses. But besides that we still have separate checking and savings accounts. I wanted to combine our finances as soon as we were married but for now, this works for us!
Samantha says
I've been with Ryan for a little over 4 years, and we've lived together for a little over 3 years! We still have separate bank accounts, which i'm a-okay with it (for now). I have quite a few friends in long term relationships that have joint accounts and it has really worked out for them! Currently, I make a bit more money than the boyfriend. Not sure if I "always" will but nursing is a pretty promising career. He is a realtor so it really depends on the time of year, economy, etc (so many factors!)High school sweethears?! Awww that is awesome! I wish i'd dated someone HALF as good as Ryan in high school, haha. I have nightmares thinking about still being with 1 particular high school bf, lol!! You guys have so much to be proud of, buying a house at 20?! Amazing. I don't know anyone who has done that. I am 26 and no where NEAR being able to buy a house. I'm so happy I found your blog; I love talking about money and how to manage it, and learning how to budget. I worked at a credit union for a few years so I have a pretty good grasp, but still like hearing from others on how they accomplish their own financial goals! Keep up the great work!!!! :)Sam
Stephanie says
Aww, my husband and I were high school sweethearts too!! We broke up during our senior year of high school though, and got back together during college. Financially, I'd say we're pretty similar to you. Although he does have his bachelor's degree, I make more money than him, but our combined income is pretty comfortable. We have joint checking and savings accounts, but we give ourselves cash "allowances" for any random spending (or saving) we want to do independently of one another. It's a pretty good system, we have to make sure we're on the same wavelength when it comes to the big picture, but we don't have to be accountable to one another for every single penny we spend.I actually do have a question for you, I don't think anyone asked this yet – Do you know if the state you're in recognizes common-law marriage? If so, it's possible that you and your boyfriend fall under that and would essentially be treated as spouses under the law anyway.
Newlyweds on a Budge says
Eric and I have joint checking–everything is shared, which I think is the wasy it should be , but I have threatened on some occasions to go to separate checking accounts because I want him to feel what it would be like for him to try to live on his own salary. I know he wouldn't be able to do it, and so I want him to realize he shouldn't be overspending just because the money is there. I think if joint checking is working for you guys, don't fix what's not broken. Eric and I are still working out our differences when it comes to money…I make a reasonable income, but Eric makes significantly less than I do and it sucks having to live a crappy lifestyle because of it. I know it's only temporary though. I don't think I could handle it if I knew he was going to be making this salary forever. However, if you seem to make enough for the two of you to live comfortable, don't worry about what other people say!
Michelle P says
Thanks! The BF has an "allowance" (and so do I) and thankfully he never goes to crazy. He's always asking me now if he can buy stuff.
Alyx says
Joint and separate. We had our own lives when we got married, and I didn't see any reason to close our separate bank accounts just to have a joint. Besides, that makes it easier to get presents for each other without the other knowing. Right now I make the money bc working in another country without a visa is a little difficult, and it'll probably be me until he's done with school. Before we moved here, though, I worked a part-time job and focused on school while he made the big bucks and worked full-time. We've switched places. I don't see a problem with the woman making more money – after all, it all goes to the same place, right? As long as the bills get paid, who cares whose money pays them? It's OUR money, and we both work hard.
Michelle P says
I agree, as long as its paid, then I don't care!
Miranda says
Right before my now husband and I got engaged we had joint accounts. It is still the same but eventually someday when we have more money I would like for joint and separate…just for gifts and 'me' money. I talk in my sleep sometimes too and my husband gets mad that i won't answer him…i just keep mumbling to myself! 🙂
Alex M says
Hubby and I do not and never have kept separate accounts. When he was 23, I gave him a "gaz bear" — a teddy bear that farted when you squeezed its stomach. He busted the farting mechanism very fast but liked the gift a lot. He also loves milk. I suggest an Arby's gift certificate for a Jamoca Almond shake. Or at least make him a very thick milk shake with real whipped cream and put a candle in that!
GLAMOURMOES says
Ahw so nice to get to know a little bit more about you and you boyfriend. He seems to be a very nice person!
Michelle P says
Wow thanks everyone! It's nice to know that there are so many people similar to us also!
Lizzie @ her homewor says
I earn three times what my husband does but he is good a the spending side, literally, he bought our overseas land and buildings are a price no-one else could have got. All of our money goes into a central account, we pay the bills, pay the savings account and pay ourselves all from the central plot. Simple and no-one feels more important than the other one. We like it that way just fine.
Cassie says
I'm so glad that you gave us some deets on him! That was nice of you. And my boyfriend and I plan on moving in together as soon as he as home from being overseas and I look forward to us having a joint account, even though we aren't married! It's nice to know that you guys do the same! I think that people seem to frown upon this because they are insecure and feel as if it isn't good to share things before marriage. I disagree!
Audrey says
Wow from reading about your Bf's habits, I feel like ours should meet! Lol… cars, motorcycles, guns etc. I too make more than my Bf since he's still in school, but we've been dating for 9 years earlier this month. I really want to purchase a house with him soon! So envious you two already have one. Although marriage is not part of my future, lol bf/gf FOR EVAR.
Christine says
aw what a fun post! sounds like y'all have it pretty figured out! and who cares if you're not married, you're obviously committed enough to have joined your money. 😉 the hubby and i do "Yours" "Mine" and "Ours." This system isn't perfected yet since we just got married but we're planning on putting all money for bills/food/household items into our joint account, and then whatever is left in your account is yours. just thought i'd share 🙂
Simple Rich Living says
You guys are so sweet!!! And you are so lucky to have found each other!
Girl Makes Cents says
That's awesome. I think it depends on the couple and you do what works for you. I have been with my BF for less than 2 years but I have known him since I was 4 years old. We were in kindergarten together and grew up together. Funny how things work out! We have been living together for just over 2 months now and finances are completely separate. He makes more than me but he also spends more than me! For now separate finances works best for us.
Harri @ TotallyMoney says
Sounds like you guys are a good match! My boyfriend and I haven't really managed to properly work things out financially yet. We've been living together for almost a year. We try to split things down the middle, but because he earns more than me, he does tend to spend a bit more. It's often hard to keep track of how much we owe each other, which I have to admit leads to arguments. We need to iron things out a bit!
Emily @ evolvingPF says
In theory my husband and I want everything to be joint, but in the 1.5 years we've been married we haven't migrated everything together yet. Our primary checking account is joint but we still have leftover accounts from when we were single that we have almost no money in and never use but still haven't closed (laziness/procrastination). All our credit cards are joint and we make virtually all purchases with them. Our Roth IRAs are still separate, but the investment accounts we've opened since we were married are joint. Our church (presumptuously, IMO, and also poorly) merged our tithing records together automatically after we were married, but we still contribute under our individual names.When we were going through premarital counseling my husband liked the idea of having separate checking accounts to house a monthly allowance so that we could each have the ability to make purchases without having to reconcile them to the other. With our tight budget we haven't set up these allowances and he hasn't pushed for it. We don't fight over purchases or anything, but if we started it would definitely be motivation to create those separate accounts. I don't mind being completely transparent.
Krista Lynn says
Love your blog! I've been trying to incorporate organization in mine and have posted a little bit about finances. My Man and I have been together going on 5 years, I also make more than he does..and always will {because of our career paths}. But it doesn't bother either of us. We both love what we're doing and wouldn't want it any other way. We are very independent with our money as of now. I think most of that is because I'm very independent. But we think what we make for our own is our own. If we get married of course we'll joint everything, but I think I will always want to have an account just for me. Like a fun 'Krista Savings'. I think everyone finds something that works for them and their significant other.
MemeGRL says
I'm freaked out on behalf of your friends about the assault and therefore will only comment on other items.First, thanks for following my blog–I'm so glad it led me to yours! Staying semi-anonymous is a fine way to live. You will find soon enough some blog-relationships developing, or not, and your friends and family that you've shared with know who you are already.I love the focus on money, and that you have a five year plan that rocks the house. So impressive and so inspiring. Having just gone back to work I think I will need to do that with my husband.We keep separate accounts because he balances to the penny and I have a general idea of how much money I have and am careful not to go over. Every paycheck I take off whatever is "leftover" from the last check and bank it in savings, and other than paying off Christmas or fluke things (surprise refrigerator replacement type of things), I don't touch the savings except to bundle it off to higher-interest accounts every few months. We tag-team each other for expenses and are listed on each other's accounts but I would rebel at having to balance all to the penny and he would be anxious as anything to not, so we just agree to use our own accounts for sanity. But it's all transparent.And please please please travel as much as you can. I was so lucky to have a travel-intensive job in my 20s and I was on track to "50 by 40" (states, that is). I got to 45 and then the kids came along and put a temporary hold on the travel, but 50 by 50 seems possible. Hmm, there's a good thing for the five year plan. Sometimes my blog reading can get bogged down in Mommyville. Your blog is a great addition for me, young enough to be different and interesting, mature enough to be relevant and interesting. Great balance. Looking forward to cheering you on!
Michelle P says
Thanks so much! You are way too nice.