I came across a great article on Wise Bread today titled How Do You Deal With Family Members Who Are Bad At Managing Money?
Here are the tips from the article:
- Openly talk about family finances. I know that if we talked more about it, then a lot of problems could be solved.
- Do not lend money to the irresponsible. I am extremely guilty of this.
- Offer help in solving the root problems. This leads me back to number 1.
- Conduct transactions in a business manner. Make sure there is a contract and everything is written. If it's not written, then someone might be taken advantage of.
Do you have anyone in your family like this? What do you do?
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Hi sweetieThanks so much for stopping buy & leaving such a sweet comment on my blog. Sounds like you had challenges to.You are very wise about money & have a very wise head on you very young. The world is your oyster & you are doing great x x
Don't you mean "you're" buying her Chanel glasses & Prada purses? Do you live at home? Is ths rent? If not, you shouldnt be giving her money. Its not like she'sgenuinely struggling because she doesnt ake enough $$, shes blowing it!! I'm going to brutally honest here, & I mean only the best, but your mom needs a wake up call. I'm sorry, but obviously your mom doesnt really NEED the money, she needs to learn how to budget & to learn that the world doesn't actually revolve around her. If I were you, I'd buy her Gail VazOxlades Easy Money book (it's a fast & easy, very straight forward "how to budget" book & let her figure things out! Here's the link :http://www.amazon.ca/Easy-Money-Gail-Vaz-Oxlade/dp/1926583272/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1319665683&sr=8-4Hope she "wakes up" and realizes life isn't a "free ride".
I don't live at home. I have my own mortgage and my own bills, so the $400 (and sometimes MUCH MUCH more!) can be put towards my debt. And yes I know Carla, she needs a wake up call. She doesn't want my help though. Whenever I try talking to her about it, she'll bring up the fact that this is all do to my dad passing. I don't believe it though, she should have been prepared to live by herself, she can't always depend on others.
I must admit I cringed a little bit when I saw the title! I look forward to the replies. I haven't had any luck dealing with my mother, and I am dreading having to have 'the talk' with her again. Although she doesn't buy a lot of expensive stuff, she hoards a lot of small items. $300 worth of $5 items is still $300. I honestly do not think they GET the whole debt/budget deal. Best of luck… to the both of us! I know step #4 is the most important one… when all else fails, go business-like. That's of course easier said than done, especially since it can haunt/hurt you when they do (very predictably) fall…
OMG preaching to the choir! But she won't listen and all we do is fight. It's like a drug addict. Some people don't change, but I've never been like that as a result. Is that good? Don't know.xoxoSC
Respectfully, stop talking and stop writing checks. You are jeopardizing your financial future to afford your mom luxuries that you don't have. If you feel like you must say something, try something like "Mom, I'm sorry but it is clear to me that I am not buying you things you need. I am funding your habit of spending beyond your needs and I cannot and will not continue to jeopardize my future for your luxuries. " Conversation over. Will she be mad? Sure. Will you feel bad? Absolutely. Is it the right thing to do? Absolutely. Best of luck.
Coincidentally I just posted (last minute because I was upset) about teaching my sister finance a couple of hours ago. I agree with the above comment, stop giving your mom money if she doesn't need it. We have to be tough sometimes, particular with the ones we love.
My mother is terrible with money. I mean TERRIBLE!I used to give her stuff all the time, even put her on my phone bill while working a part-time job in college only to have her run up the bill and not pay a dime. She messed up my credit.I cannot and will not give her any money and she knows this. I simply dont trust her in that area (well, in a few others too). I realized she was using me. My mother is 47 years old and its sad how irresponsible she is.
Oh, and be ok with your mom getting upset! My mom always gets upset and it doesn't faze me anymore.I dont need her as much as she needs me.Lift your head up and confront her….a mother shouldnt do that to her child.
Thanks everyone. It's just a tough situation for me. I don't really have any other family besides her, so I'm just confused as to what to do.
I wouldn't say my boyfriend's mom is horrible with their money, but she does mention a lot how it's tight. She goes to the grocery store at LEAST once a day, even though her fridge is packed and she has 2 pantry cupboards full of food! I don't want to try talking to her about it because even though we are close I feel like it's not my business. So instead I got her reading my blog and hopefully she'll pick up on some of the tips 🙂
Michelle, you've been given lots of great advice, I think you're obviously a wonderful & very caring daughter, ive helped my family too, but "helped", not supported". Do you really want to be paying your moms way years down the road? She can blame whoever she likes, but the point is shes in this situation NOW, and regardless of who's "fault" it is, she needs to grow up. I don't envy your position, but I would do what needs done before this turns into a long-term habit. 🙁